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Fatwa CenterHis caring sister disapproves his parents' choice of bride for him
Question
Assalamualekum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatahu we are 10 childrens to our parents and iam the 8 one, my 1 elder sister she was married after marrige she is not having any children till 5 year then she come to my parents and take me with her at that time i was 3 years after that know she is having 4 childrens 3 years of age iam with her from that age to my garduation iam with her before 1 year i meet one girl we speak on phone she wants to marry me she told me that if u not marry me i will die i explain her through islam that this is wrong ok if u want to marry i will send my parents to ur house i send my sister to her house that i want to marry that girl and she is also ready to marry me my sister ask to her parents but at that time they refused me i told that girl ur parents are not ready for this marrage she told me we will ran away i told her this is wrong if they r not ready maybe this is good for our future and allah also not allow this and I don’t want to give any tension to my parents and ur parents too becouse iam boy there is no harm for me but u r a girl ur relatives tell to urs parents that ur girl is ranaway at that time maybe that suituation they will not handle may be they die if this happens I will not forgive my self and u too and allah never forgive us she understand and know she is on her way iam on my way then my parents they select one girl for me and iam ready to marry her but my sister she is telling to my parents that i will not come in his marrage and iwill not forgive him she told me i have done Type equation here. every thing for u but ur listening to parents she told to my parents from the age of 3 he is with me and iam the responsible for his marrage iwill find girl for him why u people r looking for him this things there is to much miss understanding in my family. i have to go with my parents or my sister please guide me through the knowledge of islam i will be very thankful to you. pray for me and my family.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
Your sister has done good when she looked after you for this long time, and this is a kind of good conduct. If she hopes for the reward for it from Allaah The Almighty, she would receive a great reward as confirmed by the statement of Allaah The Almighty (which means):
· {And do good; indeed, Allaah Loves the doers of good.}[Quran 2:195]
· {Indeed, Allaah Does not Allow to be lost the reward of the doers of good.}[Quran 9:120]
However, the fact that she took care of you does not place her in the status of your mother, in the sense that you are obliged to obey her. It is kind to obey her in what is good. But if your obedience to her contradicts your obedience to your parents, priority is given to obedience to your parents, for your obedience to your parents is obligatory; Allaah The Almighty Said (what means): {And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment.}[Quran 17:23] It is out of your good treatment to them to obey them in what is good.
Therefore, we advise you to try, as much as possible, to narrow the gap in viewpoints between your parents and your sister, and remind your sister that those are her parents and it is binding upon her to be dutiful to them, and it is unacceptable to make herself a rival to them in the matter of obedience. But more important is that all of them should be directed to choose what is most suitable for you, which you are the most entitled to identify. If you succeed in bringing them into agreement, then, all perfect praise be to Allaah, otherwise, your obedience to your parents is given priority as we have mentioned above.
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