Question

Assalamu alaykum!

My mum went to work in Saudi Arabia for a year, and she wants to go back in the future as she likes it there and has made good friends. She asked me to get a qualification and accompany her in the future so that she would not be lonely. I feel pressured as though I may make a mistake and listen to her in things that she tries to encourage me to do, as I feel bad. I avoid going to places that are far away from my town now, but my mum wants me to go to a trip with her on Eid, so I did some research and thought that if it is less than 40 miles, I will go. I know that she does not like to listen to me when I say Islamic things, and I know how her anger can be, so I do not say too much. Am I doing the right thing by telling her that I cannot go to Saudi Arabia with her unless it was permanent, as it is not right? I could have benefited from going to a Muslim country, but I would have no mahram (permanently unmarriageable kin) to take me there and bring me back. I also get very distressed because of the way my mum lives life, and instead of accepting help through correct means for her state of mind and health, she keeps living an unstable life by moving homes and jobs, etc. and I have to go along with her. I feel like she is running away when she is sad and does not try to accept life's decrees. I can see that our families are still divided on the same issues of ego and injustice. My mum feels sad and lonely as her family do not come to visit us, and her mum favors others more than her, but I wish that my mum could see it as a test and accept it. I try to be normal with everyone and be a good example, but my mum expects me to stay loyal to her when she is wronged. I feel sorry for her, but I also know that she is missing something bigger that she could get from the religion instead of getting it from her mum and family, but I think that she is trapped. How can I help someone like my mum while being steady myself when she asks me to do certain things like the ones that I have mentioned?

May Allah reward you!

Answer

May Allah, the Most Merciful, make it easy for you and your mother. As you know, Allah ordered Muslims to be kind to their parents without disobeying Allah. Travelling without a mahram is forbidden in Islam for women. Therefore, your concerns for not travelling to see your mother are correct. From what you wrote, it seems that your mother needs to seek advice from the people of knowledge about the decisions in her life in order to be concerned about how to be obedient to Allah, the Most High, and live life according to the Sunnah of the Prophet .

As far as your responsibility towards your mother is concerned, you should be extremely kind to her. If there is a way for you to travel to her in a permissible manner, then do so. See if there is a possibility to move there with her, and that would be a good environment for the both of you. You could then help her to increase her faith and go to Hajj or Umrah together.

Try to be close to the Muslim community in your locality, and there might be sisters there who could find a good religious husband for you, and that would make things easy for you, Allah willing, in the sense that you could travel and be close to your mother and help her.

May Allah make it easy for you and your mother.