Wants to separate from her husband who does not suit her
29-3-2007 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalaam alaykum, my is arrange marriage and I spoke with my husband on phone 2 and half months before marraige. Now its almos 4 yrs but we are not happy together. My husband came here abroad we live at my sister's house. he's not a bad person but we judt don't suit eachother, he's like to go out and I like to stay at home with family. He's always complaining about my family everyday. I am tired of his complaining, comments. He's angry that I don't have a house of my own, why I don't gift him a car like my sister did to her husband. Where as he never gets me a gift. I do buy him gifts now and then. He likes to make friends wih kafirs. Started smoking again and lies about it. He calls his friends and erase the number on mobile so i wouldn't know. after lot of fighting he's lessen now coming home late. he doesn't think there's anything wrong in coming at 3-4am. I'm unhappy and feel that i'll go to hell because i'm not able to keep my husband happy, i hate cokking which i told him when he came to propose, he said he'll cook. I would like to separate from him to think whether we can live together or not. I hate everyday's fighting, have a daughter and am pregnant. like i said he's not bad, i have lots of fault too. we're just opposite of eachother. I feel my sins are increasing since i got married.every time we fight I feel now the angels are cursing me. I want to be free, so that i wouldn't have the sin of displeasing my husband. I think he'll be happy too without me, he wants space, and i want to be free of this tension. when he's home I feel uncomfortable, when he's not home apart from at work then i'm angry. I work fulltime. I don't know wht to do, we're together because of fear of our family, what people will say etc. i want my children to have a peaceful environment and not see their parents fighting all the time. then we take out our frustration on them (by getting angry at them for no reason). i live on money what i earn, he sends his money home in india.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, you should know that marital life is rarely free from problems or the spouses having different views about some matters. Hence, the wise spouses are those who take it easy and solve their problems with wisdom in order to avoid any disagreement.
You may advise your husband in a good manner and in a nice way about the sins which he does, and his criticisms to you about gifting him or not owning a house, while supplicating to Allaah to turn him into a righteous person. You may seek the help of some of his friends who may influence him, as he might come back to his senses and then the problem will be solved. It should be known that marital life may continue even though there is no love between the two spouses in order to achieve other benefits by this marriage.
Anyway, if the attempts for reconciliation are of no avail, and you fear to be negligent about the right of your husband because of this dispute, then you have the right to ask him to divorce you in return for compensation which you will give him or in return for you renouncing your right about him spending on you, provided you have not renounced his obligation of spending on you in the marriage contract and the like; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 89039.
Finally, the following matters should be mentioned:
1- The husband is obliged to spend on his wife and provide her with a separate accommodation; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 90395.
2- The spouses are not obliged to gift each other, but it is desirable for each one of them to gift the other according to his/her ability, as this strengthens the marital relationship between them.
3- It is not permissible to befriend non-Muslims; Allaah Says (what means): {O you who have believed, do not take My enemies and your enemies as allies, extending to them affection.}[Quran 60:1]. However, this does not mean that it is forbidden to trade with them and the like without having any affection towards them.
4- Smoking is forbidden because it is very harmful; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 81589.
5- In principle a woman should stay in her home and it is not permissible for her to go out to work unless she abides by some religious requirements; for more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 82399 and 91310.
6- The husband is obliged to fulfil the conditions which his wife conditioned on him before the marriage contract and which he accepted, among which is the cooking which is mentioned in the question; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 90809.
Allaah Knows best.