Children must be dutiful to their parents in all cases

16-12-2008 | IslamWeb

Question:

one of my friend's father doesnot treat her wife well. he calls her names and say bad things about her. he scold and call names of his children as well. he is well off and though give them money but scolds so much for thisand may be give less than he can.children in return have started hating him and sorry to say but calling his names . they may be sometimes repent on it but when thinggs get out of control they dont pay him any respect. once or twice elder son had fight with him using hands. children want good home and want to live according to islam but in the case of their father they have done everything bad and cant change . they just literally hate him. they think what does islam say in favour of children rights and why would they be punished for something returning to their father they have been geting. conditions is sever . father still give them money and say bad things and they have always hot words exchanged. tell what is for such families in islam. why doesnot islam severly tells any punishment for cursing children as in case of parents. if father was nice children could have been nicer. so what for father and children as well.

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Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.

Among the rights of the children on their father is that he is obliged to spend on them if they are poor. Allaah Says (what means): {…but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother's food and clothing on a reasonable basis}[Quran 2:233]. Among their rights also is that he is obliged to protect them, cultivate them well and educate them. The Prophet said: "Order your children to perform the prayer when they are seven years of age and beat them if they neglect to do so when they are ten years of age." [Abu Daawood]. There are other rights as well.

On the other hand, the parents have great rights on their children as well. They are the reason of their existence in this life, so the children are obliged to be kind and dutiful to them in all cases. The rights of the children on the parents are not equal to the rights of the parents on their children. The parents have a great favour on their children and they can never give back their rights even if they are kind and dutiful to them all their life. Since this is the case, it is very wrong and it is cutting relations if the children are misbehaving against their father, even with the least words of disrespect, let alone harming him or trying to beat him even if the father is aggressive. Treating others in the same way they treat you is something confirmed but it does not apply to the father with his son; that is because he is the reason of his existence, as we mentioned, and he is the one who is spending and providing a good life for him. Allaah Says (what means): {…and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young."}[Quran 17:24]. It is for this reason that a father cannot be punished in retaliation in case of his son and no corporal punishment will be applied on the father if he accused his son of fornication or adultery, according to the view of the majority of the scholars. For more benefit on cutting relations with the parents, please refer to Fataawa 89078 and 84723.

So, if the situation is as mentioned in the question that there is a dispute between the father and his children, then it is an obligation to advise both parties with good and nice words, especially the children, and endeavour to reconcile between them. For more benefit on advising parents, please refer to Fatwa 88876.

Moreover, this man should be advised if he is mistreating his wife, and he should be reminded of the religious teachings about treating women kindly; in this regard, please refer to Fataawa 88304 and 86618.

Finally, the two following matters should be mentioned:

1. The father is only obliged to spend on the young and poor children according to their necessity and according to what is reasonable [sufficient].
2. It is not permissible in Islam for a father to curse or supplicate against his children, as such matters are  forbidden between the general Muslims, and this is more appropriate in regard to the children. The Prophet said: "Do not invoke curses on yourself or on your children or on your possessions lest you should happen to do it at a moment when the supplications are accepted, and your supplication might be answered." [Muslim]

Allaah Knows best.