Insulted her husband for having a second wife
16-11-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have been separated for about half of this time. We are separated now and I am 6 months pregnant. After finding out I was pregnant he told me that he had taken a second wife a year ago. I was very upset because he did not tell me for so long and I feel very betrayed by him. I told him I want him to divorce her, may Allaah forgive me. My husband intends to divorce her because he cannot support us both, but he has not done it yet. He says he has to be fair to us both and that he will do it soon. We discussed living together again, but right now he said he will only be living with me for the child. We argue a lot and are both very strong minded. I feel my needs are not being met which is why I am so difficult with him, but I know I should not disrespect him. We have both said many hurtful things and I believe my words and actions have taken away his manliness and this bothers him very much. I love my husband with all my heart and I want to work things out and try to live together. He says he cares for me, but does not love me anymore. After everything hurtful and disrespectful to him he says he has lost the love for me. Maybe in time things would improve and he could love me again if we are to live together, Allah only knows. I am living alone now and have a job and am doing ok financially. I can support myself with the child, but do not want to work and leave my child in day-care or with another person. My husband will give me financial support if we do not live together, but I still have to work unless we are together. I love him so much, but I know I cannot make him love me.
My question is: Should we try to live together knowing for him it is just because of the child and pray that I can be respectful to him and that Allaah will soften his heart to me or should we stay apart and go ahead and divorce and work out an arrangement that will be best for the child with us living apart?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
Islam legislated marriage for great religious objectives. One of these important objectives is to have children and be keen on nurturing them on righteousness and good moral principles, and other good objectives which make the marital relationship last and attain happiness even if there was no love between the spouses in principle. Indeed not all families are established on love, rather there is a marital relationship based on family lineage and Islam, as Umar 
said.
Indeed it is possible to achieve affection and love between the spouses even if this did not exist at the beginning. There are many means in achieving that: through mutual respect, fulfilling the rights of one another and so forth. There is no doubt that supplications are one of the reasons through which one may achieve this, so supplicate Allaah as much as possible in order to make your husband love you. You have to know that it is not permissible for a wife to ask for divorce without a sound religious reason. The Prophet 
said: "Any woman who asks her husband to divorce her, without due right (i.e. Islamically justified), the smell of
Finally, it should be noted that it is not permissible for a woman to ask her husband to divorce his second wife; this is prohibited in Islamic legislation. The Prophet said: "It is not permissible for a woman to ask her husband to divorce his second wife so that she will enjoy him alone." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] So, you were wrong in asking your husband to divorce his second wife as this is contrary to the Prophetic narration. You should not do this again.
Allaah Knows best.