Needs to change her life but not sure about Islam
7-9-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am nearly 22, Muslim woman living in UK. I was born a Muslimah but was not raised according to Shariah, and have never practiced. I have had a lot of problems in my life. I was taken into care at the age of 12, always running away and staying with random strangers. Committing Zina, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, I have been violent toward everybody in my life including family. I left school at the age of 12 with no qualifications....... the list is endless....
I have now come to a point in my life where I realize fully that I need to change. I was advised by members of my family to take up Islam, but I felt that I could not enter into anything with 'blind faith'. I have spent the last 2 months researching Islam and other religions, trying to make friends with Islamic girls and trying to build my faith. I have stopped drinking and taking drugs, no more men and I have started to pursue my education. The thing is, nothing in my life has ever been stable. While in care I had many different careers, since starting to work I have had many different jobs, many different friends, interests.....
I have never been able to stick to anything, ever. I really feel in my heart that I should start praying but I'm scared that this will be another 'phase' just like everything else in my life. I do have faith. I feel Allaah is the most amazing and perfect character, and the reasoning behind Islam makes perfect sense to me. It's like common sense, every part of it. I am so scared that I will end up leaving this if I throw myself into it.
At the moment I have absolutely no self discipline, and I can't make any future plans because it will 'depend on my mood' I really don't know what I'm hoping to hear from you, it's not like I have asked you a clear cut question. I guess I want you to tell me a way to build my faith and make it more than just another phase in my life.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
First of all, we ask Allaah to enable us and you and all the Muslims to remain steadfast on His obedience and His religion.
In order to be steadfast upon the religion and the right path, one first has to seek Allaah's help and return to Him. Then he has to learn the rulings concerning the religion of Islam, act according to the Book of Allaah and follow the example of the Prophet 
. Moreover, one has to keep company with righteous and pious people who guide and encourage others to obey Allaah, and warn them from following their desires and the ways of the devil. One also has to keep away from bad company who drifted and deviated from the right path and who follow their desires.
Indeed the Prophet said: "The example of a good companion (who sits with you) in comparison with a bad one, is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith's bellows (or furnace); from the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell while the bellows would either burn your clothes or you get a bad nasty smell thereof." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
You have to know that the stress and anxiety that you are experiencing are due to transgressing the limits of Allaah, disobeying Him and turning away from His mention. The one and only way to get rid of this is by sincerely repenting to Allaah. Allaah Says (which means): {Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer - We will surely cause him to live a good life, and We will surely give them their reward [in the Hereafter] according to the best of what they used to do.}[Quran 16:97]. Allaah further Says (which means): {…then whoever follows My Guidance shall neither go astray, nor fall into distress and misery. "But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Quran nor acts on its orders, etc.) verily, for him is a life of hardship, and we shall raise him up blind on the Day of Resurrection."}[Quran 20:123-124].
Therefore, you have to repent before it becomes too late, and then remain steadfast on this repentance. You have to know that repentance wipes out all sins. Allaah Says (which means): {Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning] do not despair of the mercy of Allaah. Indeed, Allaah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."}[Quran 39:53]. More importantly, if you sincerely repent with true faith and do righteous deeds, it is from the Mercy of Allaah that all the sins that you have committed will turn into good deeds. Allaah Says (which means): {And those who do not invoke with Allaah another deity or kill the soul which Allaah has forbidden [to be killed], except by right, and do not commit unlawful sexual intercourse. And whoever should do that will meet a penalty. Multiplied for him is the punishment on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein humiliated, Except for those who repent, believe and do righteous work. For them Allaah will replace their evil deeds with good. And ever is Allaah Forgiving and Merciful.}[Quran 25:68-70].
In addition to the above, you have to put a timetable for the future and hold fast to these glad tidings given by Allaah. You have to know that the matter is very serious, because either you tread the path of faith and guidance and be eternally happy in the future, a happiness that has nothing like it, or you tread the other path [sin, dissoluteness and disobedience] and be eternally sad, a sadness like nothing that you have ever experienced.
Allaah Knows best.