His wife of 20 years disputes with him about Islam and raising the children
26-4-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
I married a non-Muslimah who before marriage (20-years ago) intended to become a Muslim and said the Kalimaah at the time of Nikaah. She is a very good woman who unfortunately has failed to practice Islam but respects the Faith. She believes that being 'good to all and not to hurt anyone in this life is her religion.' I say to her that is not enough. I have two children, one 18-years old girl and 13-years old son who practically follow teachings of Islam but do not pray regularly. Every time I advise them to pay attention to their religious duties, it all ends up in an argument between me and my wife because my wife insist that religion has to be understood and accepted voluntarily and I should wait till that happens. So I am the only one who does 'Fikhr' for my children and my wife. Should I now leave her with respect and favours and marry a pious Muslimah as I feel I am alone in my family? Am I allowed to marry another Muslimah without divorcing my wife? I am in need of religious companionship. These are my dilemmas. Please help as the local 'Aleems' cannot.
I live in a Western country and by Allaah's Grace I am well off financially to be able to support two wives but Western Laws do not recognize polygamy. I also wonder what impact it will have on my children.
My children, Mashaa' Allaah are very intelligent and doing very well in their education but sadly not mature to realize the golden key of Eemaan that they need to activate to enjoy Allaah's blessings and Life of Jannah in the Hereafter.
Can you please help as I know I made a mistake (we realize these 20-years down) and am not happy? I wish to have another woman in my life so I can be truly happy and be able to make Hajj with her. My current wife probably would not qualify for Hajj as I believe one has to first satisfy the first 4 pillars of Islam before being able to observe the fifth.
See what you can do to help and advise me as I am all mixed up at my age of 50. So far I have managed my family with Allaah's Grace and maintained my marriage. I have no other family to ask for support (as they would now say that marriage was my decision and it is up to me what I do with it). The local Muslim community is not close (which is a tragedy) and even asking for help, they were not able to do Tableegh to my family.
They invite to me their Tableegh Jamaa't and I tell them I need to do Fikhr, Jihaad and Tableegh to my own family before I can do Tableegh to others.
I am feeling very disillusioned and have started believing that Muslim societies are not doing enough in the Western countries to support advice and help people like me in my situations.
Wait to hear from you Insha Allaah. Nadeem (not my real name). You can confidentially e-mail on the given address and I do not mind the Fatwa becoming public on your website as long as my confidentiality and privacy is respected.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
Religion is one of the most important foundations which helps the stability of the family. That's why Islam urges us to consider religion when choosing a wife. The Prophet 
said regarding the type of woman we can consider for marriage: "Choose the religious one, you will prosper." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] He further said: "If a man whose religion and moral character are pleasing proposes to marry your daughter, then marry her off to him." [At-Tirmithi] So we advise you to endeavour to turn your wife into a righteous woman and seek Allaah's Help then the help of righteous and pious people. You have to use every permissible means that could help you achieve this purpose, for instance you can follow the steps that Allaah has set in dealing with a disobedient wife, and that is explained in Fatwa: 89480. Then, if her situation becomes acceptable, all perfect praise be to Allaah, and if she is determined, showing that she is observing the prayers, then you should accompany her to Hajj; this might be a help for her becoming righteous.
However, if all these means are of no avail, then there is no good in staying with a wife who does not abide by the religious obligations. Such a woman is a danger on the moral conduct and belief of the children, so divorce her.
This woman has no right to foster your children as long as she is still on this condition, so you have to endeavour to take the children away from her. It should be noted that divorcing her while she is on this condition would cause less negative effects on the children than keeping her as a wife and them staying with her.
Furthermore, it is permissible for a man to marry a second wife even if the first wife is still with him as long as he is able to be just with them and provide for them equally. Nonetheless, you should be wise in relation to the consequences that might arise by going against the law.
In relation to what you have mentioned about the Tableeghi group, they are to be thanked for their efforts in Da'wa (calling people to Islam), and yourself, you should call your family or take these people to do the task for you.
The role of Muslims towards their Muslim brothers in the West is not up to the expected level, however, there are many efforts in this regard.
Finally, we advise you to contact the brothers who are running the Islamic centres in your country and cooperate with them in doing righteous deeds, and we think that they will help you to solve your problem.
Allaah knows best.