Questionable marriage
24-8-2004 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am 20, my family has divorced 7 years ago. I live with my grand mother with my 2 little sisters. I have been asked for marriage by one guy. He is religious and has good character. I have asked my father about the proposal, since he live abroad, he also asked his friend who lives here to give him information about the guy. My father's friend has got enough information about the guy asking me and gave his answer to my father that "he is 32, from nice family, educated and religious and has good character". Then my father asked me back whether my mother and grandmother has accepted the proposal or not? And I replied "all the family and I have accepted it, we are waiting for you". Unfortunately he said "I have rejected him" i.e. b/c to oppose against my mother and my grandmother's idea. then I asked him to give me the reason for the rejection, but he replied" I am your father you have to accept what I told you" then I tried to persuade him and to correct him from his mistake but he didn't agree with me and with my family. Then I asked my father's friend to be my "weliel amr" and to make the engagement and marriage ceremony. And he has agreed with me before and after the "contract" ceremony my father's friend also tried to persuade my father that he is wrong and has to accept the family's idea. But he rejected him and told me from now on ward "you are not my daughter and I am not your father". And he sent a letter to the Islaamic court to stop affirmation of the "marriage".
When I asked the guy (who will be my husband) about the case, he answered, we have to try to persuade our father first if not we will go to the court or "Scholars" and ask them what to do. And we are praying to fulfill our dream and not to divorce. And I don't want to lose him. I love him by his patience and trying to make me cool as much as possible.
So my question is:
1) do my decision with out my father's permission is wrong?
2) does my father's friend made a mistake to be my "weliel amr"?
3) shall I accept my father's idea and stop my agreement "marriage". In general shall I divorce or not?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
You should make every effort to convince your father to approve of the proposal of this man as long as he is religious and of noble character. You may seek help of your relatives, or friends of your father to convince him to marry you off to the man.
You may also try to remind him, in a pleasant and soft style, about the rulings of Islam that order guardians to hasten in marrying the women who are in their guardianship if a religious person proposes marriage.
If all the possible ways do not serve you then you have the right to seek the help of the Judge who will force your father on marrying you, or he himself will marry you as mentioned in the narration of 'Aa'ishah, may Allaah pleased with her, who narrated that the Prophet 
said: "Any woman who gets married without the consent of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If her husband had sexual relations with her, he has to pay the dowry. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of anyone who does not have a guardian". [Abu Daawood, At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah].
Your father's friend can not be your guardian. Hence, your marriage is not valid and you have to renew your marriage contract as we mentioned above.
Know that Islamic courts should be consulted in such matters since the decision of the court is considered final in such matters.
Allaah knows best.