Marriage Contract Does Not Seem to Be Working Out
25-4-2004 | IslamWeb
Question:
I had a Katib Kitab (marriage contract) on my cousin who is 23 and born here in the USA from an American Christian mother. She doesn't practice much Islam. I told her to start praying and she promised me that she will when we get married and be together in one house, Insha Allah. I also ask her to start learning to speak Arabic because she only knows a little but understands it more. Anyways she was honest with me and told me things she had done in the past - that she drank alcohol 3 times, that she met a guy at college and they thought they loved each other, but then she found out that nothing was true about their being together as a couple. During the 2 years that she knew him one time they kissed each other on the mouth. I would like you to give me your opinion about this story and some advice on how I can help her to start praying and speaking Arabic? How can I be sure that what she told me is true?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
If you signed a valid marriage contract with this girl, then you have to do what Allah has entrusted you to do as her guardian. You have to teach her, guide her to the right path and protect her from Hellfire.
You have to be kind and wise in making her perform the daily prayers and other acts of obedience, acting on the Saying of Allah (which means):
{O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.} [Quran 66:6], and acting on the Saying of Allah (which means): {And enjoin prayer upon your family [and people] and be steadfast therein.} [Quran 20:132]
The Prophet Ismail, may Allah exalt his mention, was acting upon the above verse as Allah Says about him (what means): {And he used to enjoin on his people prayer and zakah and was to his Lord pleasing.} [Quran 19:55] This verse is about Ismail who used to abide fully by it.
You have to do your best to show and explain the position of prayer in Islam, and its benefits both in this world and in the Hereafter.
It is the prayer that distinguishes between Kufr (disbelief) and Iman (faith, belief). The Prophet said: “The pact between us and them is the prayer, so whoever abandons it is a disbeliever.” [At-Tirmithi and An-Nasaa'i]
The Prophet also said: “Between a person and polytheism and disbelief is abandoning the prayer.” [Muslim]
You have also to make use of booklets and tapes on this subject, and supplicate Allah as much as possible to guide you and her.
You also have to start an educational program for both of you and study whatever is possible from the revelation. For instance, you can set a timetable for memorizing some verses of the Quran daily, and read the books of Targheeb and Tarheeb (books about reward and punishment), and books on Islamic Jurisprudence. So you can teach her some subjects she lacks knowledge of, and show her the verses and Ahadeeth which encourage the performance of such actions and that warn about not performing them, for instance the prayer and seeking knowledge, and being in and preserving the state of purity.
Additionally, you can benefit from tapes of the recitation of the Quran, and books of Hadeeth, like al-Bukhaari and Riyadh Assaaliheen on tape.
You should get a small library in your house which should include some useful leaflets and tapes about knowledge and some educational tapes.
You have to try to prepare an appropriate environment for her for the program and fill her free time with what is beneficial.
You have to do your best in order to make her change bad female friends with pious ones who will help her be righteous.
Besides, you should encourage her financially and spiritually if she improves in seeking knowledge of performing good deeds.
The Arabic language is very important because it is the language of the Quran and the language of Hadeeth, so try to convince her to learn that language.
First, you have to start studying the Quran, Saheeh Al-Bukhaari and Muslim, Bulugh Al Maram, Riyadh As-Saaliheen using English translations of their meanings. So read to her the Ahadeeth and verses in Arabic and then read their translations in English.
You can also benefit from the programs of learning Arabic from the Internet. You may pay a family visit to some practicing Arab brothers and encourage her to talk with their wives in Arabic.
With regard to what she had narrated to you regarding her past, you do not have to dig it up, if she is trying to be righteous and perform her religious duties.
Allah knows best.