Visit Your Mother and Respect Your Wife's Rights
11-10-2003 | IslamWeb
Question:
After Allah and the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) is it my parents who command the greatest respect or my wife now that I am married. If I visit my parents alone can I take my child for visiting without my wife's permission or does she have the right to stop me. Do I have the right to leave my wife if she abuses my parents verbally in front of me, especially my mother in an emotional state? This is something that continues from time to time and I cannot live with this.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
No one deserves your obedience after Allah more than your parents. In fact, the right of the parents comes just after that of Allah. Allah Says (what means):
• {Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good.} [Quran 4:36]
• {And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment.} [Quran 17:23]
However, the mother's right is greater than the father's. The mother's triple right over the father was enjoined by the Prophet upon all Muslims. He told Muslims three consecutive times to obey the mothers, and in the fourth time, he said ‘and the fathers’. So the right of the mother is given priority over that of the father; let alone that of the wife. But this does not mean that the husband oppresses his wife or neglects some of her rights to please his mother or for any other purpose. The husband should respect each person's right. He should make his wife understand the status of the mother and what Allah has made obligatory upon the child towards his mother. His wife should respect her mother-in-law, deal kindly with her and take care of her. This will not only please her husband but also will result in the Pleasure of Allah which should be the ultimate aim. As for your visiting your parents while accompanied by your children, this is part of strengthening kinship relations and Allah forbids severing these relations. Now, if your wife refuses that, then you should not accept that as it is beyond her normal rights and no obedience is due to anyone if he/she orders someone to commit a sin. As for divorcing your wife, we do not advice you to do it as divorce is the most hateful lawful thing to Allah. But admonish her and tell her that Ihsan (doing good) is prescribed in everything.
Allah knows best.