Newly wed deeply distressed

11-11-2002 | IslamWeb

Question:

I am newly married but I have no feeling towards my wife. Sometime I do things that are not good that led to a nervous break down. Now I am on pills.

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Answer:

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.

Know that love is not the basis to have a happy marital life. Besides love, there are many other elements of a happy life such as to find repose, peace, kindness, and, above all, following the rulings of Sharia.
No doubt, love is also very useful to keep marital ties but it is not the only thing. In fact, not all marriages are based on love and affection rather they are established on high moral standards of Islam, kindness and on fulfilling the rights of each other.
It is reported that a person asked his wife, "do you hate me?" She said, yes. He got angry, and when the case came to the knowledge of Umar (Radiya Allahu Anhu) he inquired of her why she said so? She replied, my husband asked me to swear for that, so I told him the truth. Then Umar said to her. Surely! A wife should lie to her husband since not all marital houses are built on love and affection; despite that people live due to honorable lineage and Islam. (Kanz al-Ummal).
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "A believing man should not hate a believing woman (his wife) since he may hate one of her habits, but like another" [Reported by Imam Muslim ].
Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {… If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allâh brings through it a great deal of good.} [4: 19].
However, if the hatred has reached to the degree that the spouses cannot live with each other in this case, they may separate as Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {… after that, either you retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness. …} [2: 229].
Divorce is the final solution, so one should not resort in it except if there is no chance to continue the marital life.
Allah knows best.