How to advise a parent who partakes in evildoing
11-3-2012 | IslamWeb
Question:
I have heard my mother betraying my father many times on the phone. My father is a respectable man and he works far away from us in order to provide for us. I hate my mother and I do not know what to do. Should I tell my father and be the reason for destroying the family? Or should I remain silent and hide this in my heart, which is about to explode? Please advise, what should I do?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
If what you have said is true, not mere doubt or speculation, then it is your obligation to offer advice to your mother kindly and gently. You have to explain to her politely that what she is doing is a grave major sin and warn her against its punishment and consequences. In doing so, you should try to show your concern for saving her and your affection towards her. As a good example you can imitate the way of the messenger of Allaah, Ibraaheem (Abraham) 
in offering advice to his father in his attempts to rescue him from disbelief. He was very polite and kind to him and showed him that he feared for him the punishment of Allaah The Almighty. In doing so, he repeatedly used the phrase "O my father" to reflect politeness and to remind his father of their kinship ties. In this regard, Allaah The Almighty Says (what means):
{And mention in the Book [the story of] Ibraaheem. Indeed, he was a man of truth and a prophet. [Mention] when he said to his father, "O my father, why do you worship that which does not hear and does not see and will not benefit you at all? O my father, indeed there has come to me of knowledge that which has not come to you, so follow me; I will guide you to an even path. O my father, do not worship Satan. Indeed Satan has ever been, to the Most Merciful, disobedient. O my father, indeed I fear that there will touch you a punishment from the Most Merciful so you would be to Satan a companion [in Hellfire]."} [Quran 19: 41- 45]
When his father did not respond to his advice and, instead, reproached and threatened him, Ibraaheem did nothing but say the following words narrated in the Quran (which mean): {He said, "Peace will be upon you. I will ask forgiveness for you of my Lord. Indeed, He is ever gracious to me.} [Quran 19:47]
If your mother does not respond to your advice then you must repeat it. If she responds, then all perfect praise be to Allaah; otherwise, make her feel afraid that news of what she does might reach your father. Tell her, for instance, that it would be a terrible thing if your father found out about this. However, you should not explicitly say that you are the one who will tell him. This method may succeed in making her stop committing this sin. If none of these methods are effective, then you can alert your father that he should watch his home and be familiar with what happens inside it.
On the other hand, you should not forget to resort to Allaah The Almighty, supplicate Him and persistently ask Him to guide your mother and grant her repentance from her sin. In doing so, you have to choose the times when supplications are most likely to be answered, such as the last third of the night. It was narrated on the authority of Jubayr ibn Mut‘im 
that Allaah The Almighty descends during the last third of the night to the lower heaven and Says: "Is there anyone who calls on Me that I may respond to him? Is there anyone who asks Me that I may give unto him? Is there anyone who requests My Forgiveness that I may forgive him?" [Ahmad]
Allaah Knows best.