Renouncing Child's Custody After Divorce
12-2-2020 | IslamWeb
Question:
My new husband asked me if i had any affairs before marriage infront of kabah.I denied(lied since i repented from my past relations).
Later he digged and found old chats in my phone. i had to confess all about my past to him.
But he lost trust and always suspects that i am still in touch with men.
I recently came to my hometown for the delivery of my first born.we decided that i'll stay at my moms place after delivery, since there are not much facilities at my in laws place.
Once i landed here, he went back on his word and gave an ultimatum that i should stay at my in laws place even after delivery.
I agreed to that ,but 1 day he suddenly accused me of talking to my ex because our last seens on whatsapp were same.
I begged him to believe me,but he stopped talking altogether.
As the delivery date came near, i went to my moms house after asking my MIL.Hub spoke normally for the next few days.
Soon after delivery, his family arranged a meeting to discuss and resolve the issues between us.
When i reached there ,they literally showed me my old chats and accused me of being disobedient and characterless.And told that my hub wanted divorce
I feel betrayed
My question is i dont want to take the baby's custody because I cant give him a complete family how my hub can by marrying again.
They butchered my character irreparably in front of my family ,who were unaware of my past.
Will i be sinful if i give away my baby and do not visit him ever? Or if my baby isnt taken good care of while in his custody
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Your husband does not have the right to ask you whether or not you had an affair prior to marriage, and you are not obliged to inform him of that. Rather, it is impermissible for you to inform him of them because it is incumbent on you, along with repentance, to conceal your sins. The Prophet said: “Whoever commits any of this filth (abominable sins) should conceal himself (i.e., should not reveal his sins and make them known to people) just like Allah, The Exalted, concealed him (i.e., concealed his sins from others and did not expose him).” [Al-Hakim and Al-Bayhaqi]
Lying to him in this case is permissible, but it would have been better if you resorted to Tawriyah (i.e. to say something which has more than one meaning and intend a meaning different from what the listener is likely to understand). One of the relevant reported quote from one of the companions reads: “Tawriyah is a safe way to avoid lying.”
The basic assumption is that you are clear of the sin of communicating with any man in the past. Therefore, it is impermissible (for him) to accuse you of it without supportive evidence. The Sharee‘ah forbids negative assumptions; Allah, The Exalted, Says (what means): {O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin.} [Quran 49: 12] You should avoid anything that may make you a target of such accusations by getting rid of all traces of such relationships. ‘Umar 
said: “Whoever exposes himself to suspicion, let him blame none but himself.” [Al-Bayhaqi in Shu‘ab Al-Eemaan]
All problems should be solved away from divorce, especially since you have been blessed with a child. We advise your husband’s family to be rational and let their intervention be for the sake of reconciliation. It is easy to opt for divorce, but it is often difficult to bear its consequences.
If divorce does take place, there is no blame on you if you waive your right to custody, unless you are obligated to undertake it (for some reason). This is because custody is a right for the mother and not an obligation on her, so she may give up this right. However, this is restricted to the case when relinquishing her right to custody does not incur harm on the child. If it does, then it is impermissible for her to waive her right to it. If your right to custody is waived, it is transferred to the next female relative who is worthy of it, like your mother, for instance, according to the sequence mentioned by jurists.
The father is eligible for custody if he meets the conditions mentioned by jurists, including having a female fit to care for the child, whether a wife or a Mahram (permanently unmarriageable kin) relative. In the event of dispute, you should refer it to the competent entities responsible for settling the disputes of the Muslims.
Allah knows best.