Remedy to psychological suffering from baldness
14-10-2014 | IslamWeb
Question:
My question is in regards to my marriage and confidence. I am now 23 yrs old, pray 5 times salah, have a beard and will be performing Hajj this year in sha Allah. My problem started when I was 20-21 yrs old. I lost all my hair and went fully bald. I have not seen this happen to anyone else this age. Due to this everyone around would make fun of me. My own parents and sister have also said many hurtful things about this too. I did not bother going to university because I would be the ugliest person there. Despite this I have hardly been unemployed and earn a good halal income. I’m the ugliest guy out of all my brothers, cousins and friends; I will only be in my bedroom or workplace due to my lack of confidence. I’m at a point where I don’t feel like a human anymore as I don’t have a friend and no one loves me. Suicide is constantly on my mind and I practise Islam out fear of hell rather than love for Allah. Allah loves beauty so that won’t include me. I also have strong sexual desires but no girl would marry me. I also don’t have the slightest bit of confidence to ask someone to marry me. I keep thinking that if a future wife wants to have children then the children may turn out ugly like me. A colleague at work has been with many women and has encouraged me to commit zina. I’m seriously considering this option as there are prostitutes readily available. My questions are: should a ugly bald man get married, isn’t this oppression to the wife? Is zina intercourse only? Should I remain a loner and celibate for the rest of my life? I’m constantly thinking about suicide or zina I wont waste anymore time, JazakAllah Khayr
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
We do not take it for granted that being bald necessarily means being ugly. On the contrary, some people actually prefer shaving their head and going bald and do not even think that this is ugly or that people would perceive them as such. In fact, some men may even look better when bald. The point is that these thoughts that cross your mind may be merely devilish whisperings that are enhanced when you are weak and your self-confidence is low.
Therefore, you are advised to turn to your Lord, implore Him for help and assistance in all your affairs. We advise you to recite in particular the reported supplication for the distressed person. Nufay‘i ibn Al-Haarith 
reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “The supplications to be used by one who is distressed are, ‘Allaahumma rahmataka arjo falaa takilni ilaa nafsi tarfat ‘ayn, wa aslih li sha'nii kullahu, laa ilaaha illaa ant ... (which means: O Allaah! Your mercy I desire. Do not leave me to myself for the blink of an eye, and put all my affairs in good order for me. None is worthy of worship but You.’” [Ahmad and Abu Daawood]
You should also keenly seek after whatever benefits you in this worldly life and the Hereafter; this includes studying at the university, marriage, and the like. Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allaah than the weak believer, and there is good in both. Strive for that which benefits you, seek the help of Allaah, and do not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say, ‘if only I had done such and such’, rather say ‘Qaddar Allaahu wa ma shaa'a fa‘al’ (i.e., Allaah has decreed and whatever He wills, He does), because ‘If only’ opens (the door to) the work of Satan.'” [Muslim]
Ibn Al-Jawzi 
wrote, “The reference to strength here (in this Hadeeth) means having a strong will, resolve, determination and prudence, not physical strength.”
Secondly, you should remember Allaah frequently; the remembrance of Allaah certainly brings comfort to hearts. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allaah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allaah hearts are assured."}[Quran 13:28] The remembrance of Allaah strengthens the soul and prepares the person to endure trials and tribulations and increases his self-confidence. Therefore, Allaah, The Exalted, urges Muslims to remember Him at one of the toughest times which is the time of war. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {O you who have believed, when you encounter a company [from the enemy forces], stand firm and remember Allaah much that you may be successful.}[Quran 8:45]
You are also advised to seek refuge with Allaah whenever you have such evil thoughts; the remembrance of Allaah drives Satan away. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {And if there comes to you from Satan an evil suggestion, then seek refuge in Allaah. Indeed, He is the Hearing, the Knowing.}[Quran 41:36]
Thirdly, even if we hypothetically assumed that being bald makes you ugly – which is not necessarily the case as underlined earlier – there are many ugly people and none of them takes his ugliness as an excuse to give up the pursuit of what benefits him in the worldly life or the Hereafter. On the contrary, they lead a normal life just like all people; they study, work, get married and have good-looking children. This proves that your problem is psychological. You need psychological support to restore your self-confidence. In addition to what we mentioned above, there is nothing wrong with consulting a psychiatrist to help you overcome your problem, if necessary. You should also keep the company of trustworthy righteous people who remind you (of Allaah) when you forget, and aid you when you remember. Stay away from that evil person who encourages you to commit Zina (fornication/adultery); verily, he is the worst of companions.
You suggested that it is unfair for a woman to marry a bald man. This is not correct as long as she accepts that marriage. The children of a bald man are not necessarily bald; even if they happened to be bald, the husband is not to be blamed for that and this does not constitute injustice against the wife. Allaah is the one who disposes of all matters; He says (what means): {It is He who forms you in the wombs however He wills. There is no deity except Him, the Exalted in Might, the Wise.} [Quran 3:6]
As for your question whether the bald ugly man is obliged to get married or not, there is no difference between such a man and other men regarding marriage. If a man fears for himself to commit Zina, then he is obliged to get married. However, if he does not fear committing Zina, then marriage for him is either recommended, forbidden, or disliked, based on his condition. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 84026 and 81853.
Fourthly, you made reference to two grave matters that may lead the person to losing his worldly life and afterlife, namely, suicide and Zina. Certainly, suicide is not a solution; rather it is a problem in itself; what kind of solution is it that leads to more hardship and misery? You should not even think of that, not to mention attempting to commit it. No sane person, or a believer, with greater reason, would kill himself; please refer to Fataawa 96097 and 22853 about the strong warnings against suicide.
As to Zina, Allaah, The Almighty, has deemed it strictly forbidden; He says (what means): {And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.}[Quran 17:32] Zina destroys one's religiosity and ruins one's life on earth. A person who does not fear Allaah, The Almighty, and chooses to commit Zina should at least fear exposing himself to AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.
Zina is defined as the deliberate penetration of the glans of the glans of the penis into an unlawful vagina (i.e. that of a woman other than one's wife or female slave), and not under an ambiguous marriage (i.e. marriage that is deemed invalid but the couple do not know).
There is also a more general definition of Zina affirmed in the Sharee‘ah: all impermissible acts of intimacy come under the heading of Zina because they lead to it. Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Allaah has written for the son of Aadam his share of Zina to which he is inevitably destined: The Zina of the eye is the looking (at something which is sinful to look at), and the Zina of the tongue is to utter (what it is unlawful to utter); and the inner self lusts and desires, and the private parts turn that into reality or refrain from submitting to the temptation.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Lastly, having illicit affairs with women is forbidden in Islam. You should beware of that and of keeping the company of those who urge you to do so. Verily, such evil friends are inviting you to the Hellfire, whereas, Allaah, The Exalted, is inviting you to Paradise and forgiveness by His grace. Allaah says (what means): {Allaah wants to accept your repentance, but those who follow [their] passions want you to digress [into] a great deviation.}[Quran 4:27]
Allaah Knows best.