Providing for the family is the husband's responsibility
21-8-2014 | IslamWeb
Question:
As salamu alaykum! My husband is supporting his parents and a brother who is unemployed. And he has loans before i married him. That is why i volunteered to help in the finances as i am working. However he has a sister who is married ( and i must say is better off than we are because her husband provides her with everything i.e. flat, tutor for the kids, cleaning lady, while she is not working). She is somewhat spoiled and she always asks my husband to buy her and her children things like tablets, laptop, clothes, shoes, etc which he cant even provide for me as I am providing everything for myself as a way of helping my husband on top of sharing with the expenses at home. He even can't buy his clothes and shoes so I am buying that for him as well. We still can barely manage and he often borrows money to pay for rent and when that is due he borrows again to cover for the one he borrowed paying for the rent. We can't also get a baby sitter because we just simply don't have budget for it. And this has been a problem for us. And we don't have savings as well. But I found out that he is lying to me about some things he's buying for his nephew and i found out he is not only sending money to his parents and the brother who is unemployed but he is also sending money for the children of his sister. However, every time i ask him to buy our only child some toys or shoes or clothes he would always tell me he doesn't have the money. So i always end up buying everything for her. I pointed it out to him that he is not prioritizing our family and our child's future and he doesn't have any plans for the future when it comes to savings. But always denies that this is the case. And he takes it against me that I am bringing these issues about his family. The unemployed brother will soon marry as the family is pushing him and that would mean another burden for my husband. My question is, is this still islamic? And don't I have more rights than his sister with regards to his income?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and messenger.
We have previously underlined that the husband is commanded to provide for his wife and children according to his ability and that the wife is not required to provide for herself or her children unless she willingly chooses to do so. The wife’s earnings are her personal property and it is incumbent on the husband to maintain his wife and children. A husband may help his parents financially out of dutifulness to them with what exceeds the maintenance needed by his wife and children. Please, refer to Fataawa 82987 and 168559 which underline that the financial rights of the wife and children should be given precedence to the rights of others.
If the wife (willingly) chooses to contribute financially to the household expenses and meeting the family’s needs, her kindness should be rewarded with similar kindness on part of the husband. This is the disposition of the generous and honorable. Thus, Allaah, The Most Generous, The Exalted, rewards the charitable and good-doers with Paradise. He says (what means): {Is the reward for good [anything] but good?}[Quran 55:60]
In any case, the husband should not burden himself with helping his sister and her children or his brother financially if he cannot afford it. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {... Allaah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given it. Allaah will bring about, after hardship, ease.}[Quran 65:7]
Based on that, you are entitled to abstain from providing for the family and require your husband to provide for you and your children, even if you would have to refer the case to the concerned authorities responsible for addressing Muslims’ disputes. However, you are advised to adhere to patience and reach a mutual understanding with your husband so that the problem does not escalate and incur discord and dissension and eventually lead to divorce. Your children would be the victims in such a case.
Allaah Knows best.