Her husband mistreats her and listens only to his mother and sister
13-6-2012 | IslamWeb
Question:
My question is that My husband constantly underestimates me by calling names . He tells his mother and sister all that happens between the two of us. They three are united to an extent that i have no place. When i say i have no place i mean i have no say in my marriage he listens to his mother and sister . He says I am the youngest among them so he willlisten to them not me. If i tell him of my plans he will tell hismother and he changes his mind. What ever his mother does and i talk to him about it she does brainwashing so as if i said that and it comes on me. He says I am trying to dictate to him and his family . If i defend my self my rights i am wrong rude. He wants me to listen to his mother. I daily think of leaving him as I feel low of my self. He treats me so. I cant live with him. He and I have no privacy. Am i married to his whole family? His mother says that. He is islamic and so am i but my parents follow the hanafi teachings and i didnt tell him before getting married as I thought its not important now he doesnt talk to my parents n ill tteats me because of that. His father too follow hanafi teaching. But he sats none of my business. He is v strict doesnt let me do anything. Ive lost my self confidence. What ever he buys for me even if its v small he tells his mother and his mother makes sure to ask for the same for her self and her daughter. But what ever they buy its none of my business. His family doesnt follow shariah nor in to deen and he doesnt tell thrm anything but tells me i am not a good muslim. His family members dont offer salah but He looks at how im offering salah i try improving it daily but he still criticizes me greatly. Is it that he is not happy with me.? Or he doesnt like me? Then why did he marry me? I am pregnant now. I feel like a nobody in my own home. I do get v angry when he calls me names.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we ask Allaah to relieve you from your distress, make a way out to your difficulty, and rectify your husband and your marital relation with him on the one hand, and your relations with your in-laws on the other hand as Allaah is the All-Hearer and He answers supplications. Moreover, we advise you to earnestly supplicate Him in all your affairs as He answers the supplication of a person in distress and He removes harm.
Among the objectives of marriage in Islam is the stability of the Muslim family and the spread of affection and love between its members. This can only be achieved by each spouse knowing and fulfilling the rights of the other in the best manner.
Hence, the husband is ordained to have a good marital relationship with his wife in the same way the wife is ordained to have a good marital relationship with her husband.
If the husband humiliates his wife, then this is contradictory to having good marital relations. Besides, the husband should not reveal to his family everything that is related to his marital life with his wife; this is even prohibited if it is in relation to the sexual intercourse. Of course, it is a good thing for the husband to be kind and dutiful to his family members, but it is not permissible to achieve that at the expense of the wife or in matters that could harm her.
Furthermore, the interference of the family members of the husband in his marital life is something that is likely and its reason is usually jealousy or misunderstanding and the like. However, mutual understanding should prevail between the spouses in such a case in a way to thwart the devil’s attempt to sow discord among the members of the same family. Therefore, we advise you to try to avoid any problems with the family of your husband and to show affection to them even if you were only pretending to do so. Also, gifting them would usually remove hatred from their hearts. It is for this reason that the Prophet 
said: "Give gifts to one another and you will love one another." [Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]
Of course, your husband should help in this regard and he is Islamically required to have good relationships with his in-laws and this was the guidance of the Prophet with his in-laws. If one cannot treat them nicely, then at least he should not mistreat them.
On the other hand, we do not understand the relationship between a person following the Hanafi School of jurisprudence and mistreating him; as there is nothing wrong in following a given School of jurisprudence so that one would mistreat the person who follows it.
Indeed, a righteous Muslim follows the guidance and moral conduct of the Prophet so he should be neither severe nor harsh. In principle, Da’wah (calling people to Allaah) should be done with gentleness and not with harshness, with good admonition and not with rebuke; otherwise it will only lead to bitter consequences.
In any case, we advise you to be patient and repel the thoughts that tell you that your husband does not love you or that he is not happy with you and the like. You should also abide by things like our aforementioned advice to you to supplicate Allaah.
Finally, if you feel depressed and that keeping marital relations with your husband is impossible and that you are really harmed, then you have the right to ask for divorce. Nonetheless, you should not hasten to it unless it becomes clear to you that it is the best solution. In case divorce takes place, then Allaah Says (what means): {But if they separate [by divorce], Allaah will enrich each [of them] from His abundance. And ever is Allaah Encompassing and Wise.}[Quran 4:130]
Allaah Knows best.