Parents should not be a financial burden on their children
13-6-2012 | IslamWeb
Question:
salam aleikum..me and my husband r having some problems with his parents. they have live in europe for 20 years and the dad have always been working but still forcing my husband and his brother to give the dad all their money what they get from work every month. my husbands brother is forced to pay his own home and food and one home for his parents and food for them and the mom travelling every 3 months from one country to other. bcz all this paying, my husbands brother dosent have money to marry and they know this and still they force him to spend all his money on them and they stop him to get married. me and my husband live in other european country. we too help them as much as we can. we have 2 children and our plan is to save money so we can make hijra and move with our sons to islamic country. but husbands parents r now trying to stop our plans by trying to force us too to give all what we have to them, they dont care that we have children and our own life to think about. the parents r only thinking about themself in everything. they r calling my husand and stressing him everyday. it have been like this for 10 years now that the dad force his children to stop their own life by giving all their money to him even when he have been working for 20 years. he take diffrent riba from bank and buy home and force his sons to pay back the loan. my question is that we help as much as we can but what should we do when parents try to use us ? we must to think about our own life too and think about to save our children from koffar country. we have try to talk to his parents but they dont axept this. they want to force us to do what they want or they will stop contact with my husband. and i want to ask if my husbands brother get sins by paying diffrent tickets for the mom to travell every 3 months to diffrent country when she always travell without mahram?? bcz its haram to listen to yr parents when u do something haram and to travel wothout mahram is haram
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, it should be mentioned that in Islam the parents have a great right on their children as we have already clarified in Fataawa 87019 and 84942. Therefore, as long as the children can help them in what is not a disobedience to Allaah, they should do so as a way of being kind and dutiful to them and as a way of seeking their pleasure.
On the other hand, the parents should not financially overburden their children by asking them for too much money especially if they are not in need. Rather, their children are not obliged to obey them if they ask them for money while they are harmed by giving it to them. In such a case, it is more appropriate for the children to try to please their parents with nice words and apologize to them in a very nice and gentle manner. Moreover, it is permissible for the children to use Tawriyah (i.e. saying something which has more than one meaning and intending a meaning different from what the listener is likely to understand) by informing them for instance that they only possess what is enough to meet their necessities or that they do not even possess what to meet their necessities. So, one may use Tawriyah instead of lying. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 86021.
Furthermore, it is not permissible to help the parents in what is a disobedience to Allaah as Allaah Says (what means): {Help you one another in virtue, righteousness and piety but do not help one another in sin and transgression. And fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is Severe in punishment.}[Quran 5:2] Besides, Ibn Mas’ood 
narrated that the Prophet 
said: "There is no obedience to a creature in what is a disobedience to Allaah.” [Ahmad]
Therefore, if the mother asks her children for money to use it in what is a disobedience to Allaah, it is not permissible for her children to help her in any impermissible matters, among which is her travel without a Mahram.
As regards helping the father in repaying the instalments of his Riba-based loan, then there are some details about this. If the father had repented from dealing with Riba, then it is permissible for the children to help him in this, as doing so is considered as being kind to him. However, if he did not repent and it is predominantly believed that if one helps him in repaying his loan it may be a help for him or an encouragement for him to borrow money with Riba again, then it is not permissible to help him pursuant to the previous verse. In case one does not know the matter (i.e. the father’s intention to borrow money with Riba again), then it is acceptable to help him in repaying his debts.
Finally, it should be noted that it is not an obligation, nay it is not permissible, for a person who borrowed money with Riba to repay any interest more than the capital money which he had borrowed unless he is forced to do so. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 86521.
Allaah Knows best.