His wife refuses his request to live with his parents
21-10-2011 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalamu Alaikum. I am married and we have one son of 9 months now. Mashallah. My wife stay in her house with mom and currently I am in gulf working in company. My wife initially agreed to stay in my place with my mom since my wife need additional care after delivery and he mom was not fit enough to do things. But after I return to gulf from my vacation my wife wanted to return to her place saying many complaints that i cannot accept. I was understood it was an influence of her mom (because her only sister went from house to stay with her husband. so her mom was alone. so she wanted my wife to be with her) I told my wife to stay in my place for some more days and go since she need extra care. she refused it and she told she will commit suicide if I didn’t let her go. So i told her to go. and from that she has not gone to my place and her parents also not worrying about it. whenever i asked her to go or even to call my place she ignores and we normally end up with big arguments finally where she tells that she don’t want me. So I give-up asking it. She gives priority to her sister , sisters husband and her parents than me which makes me more uncomfortable, where I expect my wife to be as I like. Because I love my wife and I want to live with her in this world and the world hereafter Inshallah. My questions are, 1. Can I force my wife to go to my house and stay few days with my parents? I am committing a sin by forcing my wife? 2. Is my wife committing a sin buy ignoring me knowingly or unknowingly? 3. I have started to hate her sister and her husband due to my wife care them than me. What i should do on these. Jazakallah
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The jurists 
stated that a wife is not obliged to reside with the relatives of her husband and that she has the right to live in a separate residence in order to be safe from any harm; for more benefit in this regard, please refer to Fatwa 84608.
Therefore, you have no right to force your wife to reside with your family. This also applies to her visiting them unless she agrees. The obedience of the wife to her husband is not an obligation except in regard to what is related to marriage and the matters pertaining to it; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 133365.
However, it is good if she visits them especially if you ask her to do so as long as she is not harmed by visiting them.
As regards your second question whether or not your wife is sinful if she neglects you, then you did not clarify to us what you exactly mean by her neglecting you so that we can give a ruling about it as we cannot give a ruling about something we do not know. In any case, if she neglects you regarding your rights upon her, then she is sinful otherwise no.
As regards you hating your sister-in-law and her husband due to the reason which you mentioned, then this is inappropriate and you have no right to do so as you are hating them because of something they have nothing to do with.
On the other hand, your wife should know the status of her husband and that his right comes in priority over the rights of others in case of discrepancy, including the rights of her parents; we have already clarified this in Fatwa 108161.
Finally, we advise you to be wise and try to solve the problem by firstly seeking the help of Allaah and then the help of rational people among the family of your wife.
Among the things which help enhance the stability of the marital life is that each spouse should know his rights and obligations towards the other and treat the other accordingly. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 85167 and 85308.
Allaah Knows best.