His wife refuses to take care of his elderly parents
13-11-2010 | IslamWeb
Question:
Salam moe’alaikoem, My parents are old and need some help. Their health is very poor. They use a large amount of medicines and they can hardly walk. I asked my wife in a friendly manner to obey me en move to my parents house. I have my own house but my parents do need a lot of help and there is no one else who can take care of them. My parents house contains 3 bedrooms a living-room, kitchen en 2 separate bathrooms. She however responded in a very hostile and rude manner. She said and I quote:”I have never heard of a man forcing these conditions on his wife. If your name is really xxxx ( mentioning my name is not necessary) you dare do this.” end of quote. This is a threat. She does not want to live with my parents and claims there is not enough room. I did not answer here and went praying two rakaats and kept quit because I was furious. I have been married to her for 12 years now and she uttered many rude and hostile words through the years and I have been patient.Until now! I have applied the Islamic laws and gave her her rights she has through Islam. I treated her and her relatives friendly, never insulted here or here family, I have never beaten her and gave her all she asked for. She has no right to display this kind of behaviour. I only want to take care of my parents, I do not think they have many more years to live. Their health is just too poor. I need some Islamic ruling on this issue. I want your advice because I can see only 2 options now. 1) divorcing her or 2) getting a second wife, who appreciates her husband more and obeys him as long as her husband is just. 1)Is this kind of behaviour enough for divorcing her? I have this inexplicable feeling that she does not seem to appreciate me. 2)Because we have 3 sons I am willing to keep this wife but want to marry another wife who is willing to live with me in my parents house. Can I do this without her approval? And what can I do if this wife demands a divorce and does not want to stay married to me?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Divorce is permissible if there is a need for it and it is disliked if there is no need for it. Hence, you have the right to divorce your wife but we do not advise you to do so especially that you have children from her.
In fact, your wife is not obligated to live with your parents because a wife has a right to an accommodation separate from the family of her husband as we clarified in Fataawa 84909 and 84608.
On the other hand, it is your duty towards your parents to be kind and dutiful to them especially that they are elderly and need your help. Therefore, we advise you to combine between the two matters (the right of your parents and the right of your wife) by moving to a house near your parents in a way that you will be able to provide your wife with separate house and at the same time to take care of your parents and fulfill their needs when they need you; this could be better for you.
However, if you feel the need to marry a second wife so that you would be with your parents, and you are able to be just between the two wives, then you may do so; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 95416.
Indeed, it is not a condition that your first wife agrees to this marriage; rather, it is permissible for you to marry even if she objects as we clarified in Fataawa 85948 and 84411.
Besides, she is not permitted to ask you for divorce just because you married another wife and you are not obligated to divorce her if she asks you for divorce but it is desirable for you to accept especially if the marital relationship between you and her gets worse.
Finally, it should be noted that it is disobedience on the part of the wife to raise her voice over her husband and insult him and the like, so your wife is obligated to repent from it.
Allaah Knows best.