Her husband mistreats her and spies on her
15-6-2010 | IslamWeb
Question:
Salam Brother i recently got married to my husband last summer. Now that he got his visa to the united states he had changed on me. We argue almost everyday. I try to become a better wife but its hard when he is too controlling. He doesnt repect me in front of his family. He would not call me by my name when he is around people. He would sometimes slap me which i told him so many times that i dont like, but he calls it love and says he is joking around. He accuses me of cheating on him. He would look through my computer and cellphone. I wanna be able to feel like i am married. i dont know what to do. Everytime i tell him to buy stuff for the apartment we are going to move into soon bec we are still living at my parents house, he says its not the right time or he doesnt have money. Recently i found out he had sent money to his family. His willing to support them but not me. He would pick a fight about anything. He says he doesnt like my family. I dont know what to do, if he doesnt change i dont know if i can be with him forever. Honestly my love is starting to fade. I am tired of living this way, stressing and arguing and being disrespected. He wants to be able to talk bad about me, and doesnt want me to say a word. I am doing my part as a wife, he needs to do his part as a husband. He is worried about other people thinking that i can make him do things, when before he told me we shouldnt care what people have to say. Please tell me what should i do. I know patience is the key.. but i dont know how much longer i can take it. I dont want to have any kids with him if hes gonna be this way. I want to live a happy life. Everyday i wake up regreting the day i got married to him.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, may Allaah reward you for being keen to be a pious wife and to fulfill your duties towards your husband and your home.
If what you mentioned about your husband is true that he mistreats you and spies on you and the like, then he is having bad marital relationship with you because a wife has the right on her husband to treat her in kindness as Allaah has commanded in His Book. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 86618 and 88304.
In principle, he should assume your innocence, as he is not permitted to suspect you without evidence. However, we advise you to avoid anything that may cause suspicion.
Moreover, he is obliged to offer you a separate accommodation as this is a right of the wife upon her husband; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 84608.
Also, he is obliged to spend on you according to reasonable grounds, as this is also your right on him as we clarified in Fatwa 89170.
Besides, we advise you to be patient as the result of patience is good, Allaah willing; for more benefit on the excellence of patience, please refer to Fatwa 85445.
Furthermore, you should admonish your husband in a soft and gentle manner in the light of what we mentioned above. It is also permissible to seek the help of rational people if necessary and if agreement takes place, then this is what is required, otherwise you may take the matter to one of the Islamic Centers so that they would repel the harm off you either by divorce or Khul’.
Finally, it should be mentioned that good relationships should prevail between the in-laws, so that respect would prevail between the husband and the family of his wife and between the wife and the family of her husband, as this is one of the means of achieving family stability and attaining happiness.
Allaah Knows best.