Being just to wives who live in different countries
12-1-2010 | IslamWeb
Question:
My husband and I got married (with our parents consent )because we liked each other very much and thought we could not live without each other. After 8 years of our marriage and two kids my husband complained that I was sleeping or busy with kids due to which I was not attending to his physical needs and stated that due to this he wants to get married again. I cried a lot and said I am willing to give my best and willing to leave my job as well but he was adamant on marrying the second time not specifying when. In the entire married life I never stayed with my parents for more than a day without my husband. One day on the pretext of the vacation time for the kids he said I could enjoy my time with my parents ( who stay in another country) since I never did that before. I though not willing accepted it as an order for my husband. After some days of staying with them he informed me that he is about to get married the second time and is willing to be with me as well. Now that he has got married his second wife is from another country cannot come and stay with him in Canada because of the law. My husand is trying to go back to India (trying to find the right job) , which is his home country to accomodate both of us but says that if his second wife could not stay with him for say a period of 1 year then I along with the kids will have to do so in India to compensate for that time, though he can accomodate both in India. My question is Sir how right is he in doing so since I think that the second marriage was his and his second wife's consent for which I cannot be held responsible. Given a choice I would not have done the same as the other wife did.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu 'alyhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
Your husband is obliged to be just between you and his second wife in staying overnight with each one of you. The fact that the two wives are in different countries is not a religious impediment for the obligation of being just in staying overnight with them. Ibn Qudaamah 
said,
If a husband has two wives in two different countries, he has to be just between them as he has chosen to be distant from one of them. Being far does not exempt him from fulfilling her rights. He is obliged either to travel to the distant wife when it is her turn or to bring her to his own country where he is staying with the other wife. If she refuses to come though she is able, then she loses her right due to her disobedience. However, if he wants to be just between them while each one of them is in her own country, and it is difficult for him to stay overnight equally with each of them, then he may set an amount of time for each of them according to his ability. For instance he may stay one month with one wife and another month with the second, or set a time of more or less than that according to his ability and according to the distance between the two countries.
No doubt, the statement of Ibn Qudaamah has to be specified by understanding that dividing the time between the two wives should not lead to the harm of any of them, that is, by the husband staying a long time away from her. The Prophet 
, said: “There should be no harm nor reciprocal harm.” [Maalik]
In addition to this, the fact that the second marriage was conducted with his consent and the consent of his second wife does not exempt him from being just between them. It is Allaah who gave the permission to the husband to marry a second wife and it is He who ordered him to be just between them.
In any case, we advise your husband to hasten to bring both of you in one country so that he can be just in staying overnight with each one of you without difficulty.
Finally, it should be noted that a wife is obliged to reside where her husband resides. If she refuses to reside with him without a sound excuse that prevents her from doing so, then she is disobedient, and therefore she loses her right (of her husband’s staying overnight with her) because of her disobedience as stated above by Ibn Qudaamah . For more details, please refer to Fatwa 90663.
Allaah Knows best.