His mother interferes in his marital life
23-11-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalam'O'Alkium.....
i have a question regarding parents, As a good Muslim i obey the Allah (SWT) rules, i know the respect of parents specially the mother... i was married 4 months ago, me and my wife always try to respect my mother and we try our best for her that we don’t do any mistake .but
1) she loves me so much but she was strict with us in case of daily life .
2) i am not feeling good after with my marriage life due to this matter if i am not wrong so my marriage life disturbs .
3) she make her own rules at home which we follow in our childhood, she try no one breaks if breaks then u have no right to stay at home and you may leave the home but i have no way to take a separate home due to finance even i not like, i wish to stay with my parents and respect in his whole old age and care them we all r not happy always tension on a very small things
4) I given my whole salary to my mom what they do where they spend I know she spend at some right place but as a husband I have a right to get some gift for my wife also as a new married to make a good relationship for the brighter future and to developed a love with him but she ask me buy some this but I know if I buy she not happy .
5) I have no right to go out with her or in the market , fixed time to sleep and wake, other wise she not like.
6) summary she try to busy my wife mostly till night.
Q > what r the reasonability of parents with the married son and daughter in law and what r our right in Islam ? is we have some right after married or all right allah swt given to my parents as a load ?
Pls try to answer my question and try to informed me on my email so I check my answer from web thanks and dua for me .
Thank u!
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
First of all, we implore Allaah The Almighty to facilitate your affairs and grant you a happy marital life. You and your wife have done well by respecting your mother and trying your best not to make any mistake with her. May Allaah reward you both! For further information about the virtue of dutifulness to parents, see Fataawa 87019 and 82254. Dutifulness to one's parents is required even after marriage of the son. The son must be dutiful to them as much as he can. Here, it is useful to mention the criterion for obeying one's parents, namely, it is obligatory to obey them in what benefits them and does not entail harm on the son. We previously clarified this in Fatwa 84942.
However, we advise you to be patient with this mother and supplicate Allaah The Almighty much to correct her, to guide her to the straight path, and to grant her gentleness and kindness in dealing with you.
On the other hand, you should know that your wife has the right to an independent accommodation where she finds peace and comfort as previously clarified in Fatwa 86132. If you are able to find an independent house for her even by renting it, you should do so, it should be close to your parents' house so that you can take care of them and keep in touch with them. If it is not possible to find an independent house, then try your best to allocate a part from your father's house where you can live with your wife separately. If the two solutions are not possible, you have to be patient with your mother and be soft and tolerant with her.
Moreover, it is not incumbent on you to tell your mother about the details of your life, especially your life with your wife. Also, you are not required to give her all your money. You can save part of your money from which you buy a gift for your wife without your mother's knowledge. At the same time, you are not required to abide by the disciplines that your mother tries to control your life and the life of your wife with, and disobeying her in these matters is not considered undutifulness to her.
Finally, it is not permissible for your mother to exploit your wife or burden her with housework. Nevertheless, your wife should be patient and you should try your best to convince your mother to treat your wife kindly and alleviate her burdens. We ask Allaah The Almighty to make a way for you to get out from every difficulty.
Allaah Knows best.