Her husband blames her for not finding him a second wife
13-7-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalaamu ‘alaykum, 1.My husband and I have been married for almost 7yrs but 5 yrs living together. Since then we’ve not be blessed with any child. We live in another country where we both don’t have any family just the two of us. We are very fond of and used to each other. But recently, he intends to marry a 2nd wife with the hope that Allah will bless her with kids and raise a Muslim family together. Though he’s yet to get a suitable righteous Muslimah, am already experiencing the expected emotional distress of being a co-wife and trying hard to work on my imaan to accept my Qadr and test from Allah by making lots of dua and hoping that all goes well with us both. But my husband is getting more frustrated because he hasn’t got anyone yet even with the many people(including imams) he told to help in searching. He lately pour out his anger on me by saying am more responsible for the search because I have access to sisters. This makes me feel guilty, angry and at the same time, with my yet to be strong imaan and broken heart, it’s a very difficult task for me to do. This is my dilemma. Am I responsible for this? 2. I made a request to my husband that when he eventually gets his 2nd wife, I wish to spend sometime with my family in our home country(west Africa) while he spends the days with his new wife. Being alone without anyone in the house (no baby, no family in another country(middle East) and knowing quite well where he is for that period will be too much for me too bare because its been just the two of us all these years and we’re so used to each other. I need to get a way to manage that unavoidable initial emotional turmoil and avoid shaitan’s waswaas as much as possible to help my imaan by Allah’s mercy. My question is since he definitely cannot travel with me at that time, is it permissible (in my case) to travel alone such that he follows me to the airport at departure and there’s a mahram waiting to receive me at our home country’s airport at arrival?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we ask Allaah to facilitate your matter and make a way out for you and bless you with righteous children from your husband, by whom your eyes would be comforted.
We advise you to supplicate as much as possible and seek forgiveness from Allaah and take the permissible means by consulting the specialist doctors and so forth. The matter of having children is in the Hands of Allaah; Allaah Says (what means): {To Allaah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth; He creates what He wills. He gives to whom He wills female [children] and He gives to whom He wills males. Or He makes them [both] males and females, and He renders whom He wills barren. Indeed, He is Knowing and Competent.}[Quran 42:49-50] Indeed, Allaah may facilitate for you having children and the problem will be solved.
As regards your husband assuming that you should bear the biggest responsibility for looking for a (second) wife for him, then this is not permissible because you are not religiously required to do so. Moreover, he should not ask you for this if he knows that asking you for this embarrasses you. In any case, if it is predestined that your husband marries a second wife, then you should ask Allaah to help you to be patient and you should take it easy because polygyny is a matter that is legislated by Allaah for great benefits, among which is the need of many Muslim sisters to have a husband, and the need of the nation in multiplying the progeny and so forth.
For more benefit over feeling jealous against a husband marrying a second wife and how to treat this and be patient, please refer to Fataawa 101116 and 91150.
Concerning travelling without a Mahram, this is not permissible as we clarified in Fatwa 83403. It is not enough for the permissibility of travelling without a Mahram that a husband sees off his wife at the airport and one of her relatives receives her at the airport in her country.
Moreover, how would you know that your being between the members of your family will be a reason for lessening your pain; rather, the matter may be totally the contrary. Therefore, we advise you to busy yourself during those days with what is permissible, in addition to keeping company and contact with some pious women as your presence with them may entertain you somehow.