She can not accept her husband's apology for leaving her for months
22-6-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
Salam
I have written before ,my husband had left me with all the bills and left the country, I was advised two choices to leave him or to wait for him I waited now he is back but Im not sure for how long Ive asked he said he needs a sign, I have thought long and hard about why he did what he did and I have admitted there are some problems (not any to warrent him to leave for 6 months) but I did talk to him and tell him sorry and I am working on these things, Im not even worried about him with no job ,he is not lazy something will come up Inshalla. He does not speak possitive about the future with me, I am doing all the talking. this is all minor I believed we could have gotten threw all that. But then I found out he had an affair. the night before he left us, I found out when he came back it was Gods will. I read his e-mails to it, he wrote with such Love in 8 years of nmarriage I have never heard that. I was so hurt . He said its over.I think because she does not want him. She knew he is married. He also told people That he was getting a divorse ( never said any thing to me EVER). No he said no.I am not getting any kind words from him or any encouragement. That we can work this out all he says is Im here. There is not kind words from him no touch nothing and intamicy is very low. I feel very sad and unhappy and alone. I dont know what to do . I have turned to Islam . I am learning eveyday, He is muslim and is a good man, but very distant I feel I am the only one trying and he is the one who has commited adultry. He finally said sorry after I had to pull it from him .Sometimes I feel he is only here because he has nowhere else to go. How long do I wait?
I Love and respect him greatly but I do not feel it back. I am working on getting threw this affair but I feel Iam doing it alone. And also would it be good to speak to an Islamic center together about our problems? Thank you.
salam
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
It is permissible to seek the help of some Shaykhs in Islamic centres or else to help you solve the problems that may occur in your marital life, however, you should not hasten to this. First, you should endeavour to solve the problems that exist between you before consulting others about them and if you sincerely want reconciliation, Allaah will cause it to happen. Allaah Says (what means): {If they both desire reconciliation, Allaah will cause it between them.}[Quran 4:35] However, we believe that solving this problem is possible.
Kindness amongst the spouses is something religiously required; Allaah Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness.}[Quran 4:19] Allaah also Says (what means): {And due to them [i.e. the wives] is similar to what is expected to them, according to what is reasonable.}[Quran 2:228]
Therefore, we advise your husband to fear Allaah in you and accompany you in kindness, and he should endeavour to do everything that may increase the affection between him and you, like good words and actions, and he should follow in this the example of the Prophet who said: “The best amongst yourselves, are the best to their wives, and I am the best to my wives.” [At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah]
On the other hand, we advise you to be concerned about your husband and beautify yourself to him as this is a means to having good marital relations between both of you and a means to prevent your husband from thinking about other women.
It should be noted that the fact that the husband did not say any love statements to his wife does not mean that he does not love her; therefore, you should not worry or sadden yourself about this matter.
Also, it should be mentioned that a husband is not permitted to be absent from his wife more than six months except with her consent, however, he is not obliged to determine the period that he will be staying with her. If he does so, then this is better, but his wife should not insist to know this from him.
As regards the husband establishing an affectionate relationship with another woman, then this is something religiously forbidden, and him committing Zina (adultery) is even a more abominable and heinous sin, so he should repent to Allaah.
Finally, it should be noted that a wife should think good of her husband, so if he apologizes to her about being negligent to her, then she should accept his apology and not think it is insincere.
Also, it is not permissible for a wife to follow the mistakes of her husband or read his messages without his permission.
Allaah Knows best.