How to deal with an abusive, neglectful and deceptive husband
18-6-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
Asalamalaykum, I am married to a religious man since 15 years, have 2 boys and 1 girl, my husband prays, fasts, and is famous for his writing skills, islamic political issues. Here is the issue, First, he hide the fact that he had an earlier marriage, he disclosed this on our First Night, I felt cheated, but due to social stigma, I kept quite and accepted it as my fate, He never gave me our kids any time, always busy with his friends or eating out, He chats with many girls on net, tries to make friend and wants to marry. 'Net-Hunting', he nearly married one girl, and i had a nervous breakdown, since he is short height, he recently went and did an operation to increase height and i had to take care of him for 6 months, now he is on his feet, he says there is no love in our marriage and I should let him go. just last month i came to know that he had re-married a women he used to chat with. I am devastated, He doesn’t support me or my kids financially, mentally or physically, if i ask for money, he says I dont have money, then on the other hand, he goes out with other lady and her child on trips, He doesnt care for his kids, 1 of my boy is going out of way, his business is going down, and he cares less about it, he taunts me and causes enough trauma to me everyday. I am fed up with him and dont know what to do. He is total deceiver from begining and always hide behind islamic laws, he says, i dont support the other women, so i wont support you ‘Equal Treatment’, He gets religious knowledge just to show off, Likes to brag, I really feel humiliated to beg for money from such a man, I want to work, but dont know where to start from, I work part time in a school, but that is not enough, I have 3 kids to look after, I am UK citizen now, born and brought up India, Please help me, I want a solution for my problem, should I ask for Khul ? He is making my life miserable every day, Its get worst, please reply ASAP.Sister In Islam.. Akila
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
If what you mentioned about your husband is correct that he spends most of his time with his friends and he is always busy and does not spend time with you and the children, then this is not permissible and this contradicts the order of Allaah to treat one’s wife kindly. Allaah Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness.}[Quran 4:19] Therefore, we advise him to fear Allaah and to know that his family have a right on him. The Prophet said: "Your family has a right on you." For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 88304.
The fact that he chats with girls through the internet is another sin, and how does someone who prays and fasts dare to do this while Allaah Says about the prayer (what means): {Verily, the prayer protects one from Al-Fahshaa' (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse, etc.) and Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed, etc.)…}[Quran 29:45] Moreover, the Prophet said: "Fasting is a protection." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] It means a protection from committing sins. In any case, he is obliged to repent to Allaah; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 84874.
Furthermore, a husband is obliged to spend on his wife and his children within what is permissible; Allaah Says (what means): {Upon the father is their [i.e. the mothers’] provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable.}[Quran 2:233]
It is also confirmed that the Prophet told Hind bint ‘Utbah 
(when she came to him and complained that her husband Abu Sufyaan 
was a miser and did not give her enough for her and her children): “Take what suffices you and your children within what is permissible.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Therefore, if your husband is able to spend on you, then he is obliged to spend on you and your children if he is their father, otherwise he is sinful. His excuse that he does not want to spend on you on the pretext that he does not spend on his second wife is not a valid excuse, and by doing so, he is unjust to both wives, unless one of them is rich and willingly renounced her right of him spending on her, and in this case, he is obliged to spend on the other wife even if she is rich, let alone if she is poor.
Additionally, the wife is not obliged to work in order to spend on herself, but if she needs to work while fulfilling the Islamic pre-conditions for work, then she is permitted to work as we clarified in Fatwa 89170.
However, if a wife is harmed by staying with her husband, she has the right to ask for divorce or Khul’, whether the harm is by him not spending on her or any other harm, but we advise you not to hasten to ask for divorce or Khul’, as there might be a greater benefit for her in being patient with her husband and trying to rectify him and not in separating from him, especially if she has children with him because divorce may spoil them.
On the other hand, we advise both spouses to fear Allaah in their children and do their best so that their children will not be victims of their dispute whether the wife stayed with her husband or separated from him.
Finally, we draw your attention to the following matters:
1- Love between the spouses is important but love is not a condition for the continuity of the marital life, because marital life may continue for other noble objectives, like having children and the like. Indeed, it is reported that ‘Umar said: “Homes are not only built on love.” For more benefit, refer to Fataawa 86796 and 90622.
2- A husband is not obliged to inform his wife that he is married before, but if he informs her, then it might be better.
3- A husband is permitted to marry more than one wife if he is able to spend on them and be just between them.
Allaah Knows best.