Her parents forbid her from traveling to join her husband
30-3-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
Here it goes, I was married in Nov 06. Right now my husband and I are not together, still married though. When we had gotten married it was against parents wishes, to make that part of the story short my family forgave us and everything was ok, for the time being, but soon after our marriage things began to fall apart, see I got pregnant and my husband was not acting like the way a man should with his wife. So I left him when I was about 4 months in my pregnancy, I went home to my parents. Which by the way they live in the us and I was in Egypt at the time, but anyways, I still tired to make my marriage work, but my husband was being selfish. Soon I had a baby boy and my marriage was still not so good. To make this all short. The situation I am in now is that, my husband has disrespected my father a number of times, but my father still for gave my husband. Well now my father has no more remorse for my husband because he did it to him quite a few times. My husband now is in the state that he has sent money for his son, but after one year of not. He also sent a letter that if I were to go back to him that I could travel as needed with taking his son. He wants to work things out but my family (father) has tired with him and my husband every time disrespected him. Well now my father is against working it out so are his parents, I am having a hard time trusting him not to hurt me sense he has before, my son is in the middle of this. I do not know what is wrong from right in this situation. I love my husband and want a family but I love my father, he was there for me when my husband wasn’t. In the Muslim religion, the husband is suppose to treat his wife with kindness and look after her, the wife should listen to her husband, and treat him with the same. I treated him so well, and he was not good to me. Now he says he was wrong that he loves me and he will show me for starters he sent me money for me and his son he sent the paper that states me and him could travel when ?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu 'alyhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
A husband is religiously obliged to treat his wife kindly, and first and foremost by fulfilling his obligations towards her, and it is desirable for him to do any permissible thing that he could do to increase the affection between him and her; Allaah Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness.}[Quran 4:19] The husband should also maintain a good relationship with his in-laws as this is good moral conduct and fine behavior. Besides, it is not permissible for a Muslim to disgrace his fellow Muslim brother without a sound reason, let alone if this Muslim is his in-law, and more precisely the father of his wife.
If the husband is neglectful towards his wife, then this would not be living with her in kindness. The wife has the right to ask her husband for her rights which he is neglectful about. However, the wife has no right to leave her husband’s home without his permission unless she has a sound reason that permits her to do so. Therefore, you should know that you were wrong when you left your husband’s home without his permission.
When a woman is under the guardianship of her husband, she is obliged to obey him within what is permissible. Therefore, you are obliged to obey your husband and travel to join him and your parents have no right to prevent you from doing so without a sound reason. Your obedience to your husband takes priority over your obedience to your father; the fact that your husband mistreated your father is not a sound reason for not traveling to join him, and it is not a sound reason for your guardian to prevent you from traveling (to join your husband). Furthermore, your husband should accompany you when traveling if you have no male Mahram (non-marriageable person) to accompany you, because it is not permissible for a woman to travel without a Mahram.
However, if you fear harm by keeping the bond of marriage with your husband, then you may ask him to divorce you even if it is in return for compensation.
Also, the following matters should be mentioned:
1- Your statement, ‘We had gotten married against parents’ wishes,’ could mean that you married that man without the consent of your guardian. If this is the case, then the marriage is void because the consent and presence of the guardian is one of the conditions for the validity of the marriage contract. In which case, this marriage should be invalidated, but the child will be traced back to his father because of him believing that the marriage contract was valid when he married you. If you wish to continue your marital life, you should renew the marriage contract fulfilling the conditions and pillars of a correct marriage contract. For more benefit on the conditions of a correct marriage contract, please refer to Fatwa 83629.
2- Your statement, ‘I love my father, he was there for me when my husband wasn’t', could mean that you love him for this reason only. This is indeed a clear negligence about his rights because it is an obligation to be kind and dutiful to the parents because Allaah ordered us to do so and because they are the reasons for the existence of the children, and they experience much hardship in nurturing them. For more details, please refer to Fatwa 87019.
Allaah Knows best.