Dealing with an ill-mannered father
9-3-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
Salaam, I hv been reading thru all your fatwas esp abt parents n also people who like to curse.
You see my dad is a good guy and he prays 5 times a day and he also advise me on religion.
But you see i m sad to say that despite his virtue he do not seem to have a good aklaq like what I tot a muslim will be. He like to curse people and curse them or their children to die. He and my mum goin thru divorce he forbid me to do good or meet my mum tho the hadits say otherwise. As he claim that she is wasting his time. He had two wife and i feel that he is irresponsible. But I am somehow scared of him as he is like a powerful man. He had student but all left him as he is not a leader but a dictator. He always threaten me to F**k off from his life and if I ever play him out he curse my son his grandson to die. I mean seriously is this even allowed in Islam. I sincerely love him for allah and dun want anything from him except for his knowledge in islam. Sometime I want him out of my life since he seem to be threatening me a lot lately and I dun like to be threaten. He noes that i m sincere since my sis screw him up my mum left him and all his student left him I cant leave him cos he is my dad.Yet he is sometime pushing me n if he wanna me to lve him then ok but I am worried abt Allah wrath against me. He like to find fault with my wife n threaten my wife with divorce or me marrying again as he tell her that as my dad he hv the right to ask me to replace her. I dun wan to divorce her cos allah hate divorce tho it is halal and woman will take time to change. also now i find out that in event of his death i hv to take care of his other wife and famili and I m not rich even to take care of my own famili. I dun know wat to do and seek your advise based on the koran and hadits as I fear the wrath of allah as many verses seem to support the parents so I feel that I am screwed. he is pious but he is such a dictator and an opportunist. I m currently living in Allah mercy. Pls advis
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
There is no doubt that bad moral conduct is a reason for making people keep away from a person. What you mentioned about your father that he supplicates against people and their children, and supplicates against his grandson to die, and prevents you from being kind and dutiful to your mother, and so forth, then all this is an injustice and a bad moral conduct, and this is not permissible. He should repent to Allaah. What he mentioned that he has the right to oblige you to marry another woman is not correct, and he has no right to ask you to divorce your wife. If he orders you to divorce her –without a sound reason –you are not Islamicly obliged to divorce her as we clarified in Fatwa 84808.
Besides, following people’s faults is not among the moral conduct of the believers. Furthermore, what he mentioned that you are obliged when your father dies to take care of your step-mother is also not correct and you are Islamicly not obliged to do so. As regards taking care of your brothers and sisters, then there are long details about this according to the kind of care: is it spending on them or running their affairs? Also, the situation differs between your full brothers [and full sisters] and brothers and sisters on the father’s side only. You might be obliged to run the affairs of the minors amongst them, but you are not obliged to spend on them. Anyway, you should not be preoccupied by this before it happens.
Therefore, we advise you to continue being kind and dutiful to your father and advise him in a soft and gentle manner. You should know that his ill-conduct is not a sound reason for you to severe ties with him. Also, your sister should be kind and dutiful to her father and you are both obliged to obey him if he does not order you to disobey Allaah.
For more benefit on the rights of parents, please refer to Fataawa 90751 and 87019, and to Fatwa 95504 on how to reconcile between the parents when the father is determined to divorce.
Allaah Knows best.