Lacks self confidence because her parents have isolated her from other people
19-11-2007 | IslamWeb
Question:
asalamu 3alaikum,i need alot of help.i am getting mentally sick of all that is going on and i feel like i cant handle it anymore.i am 19 yrs old, ever since i was a little girl my parents have isolated me from everyone and everything.and now that im all grown up and should be independent in some things;i am isolating myself from all that is around me, and i cant help it.for the last 11 yrs i have had no friends, no one to talk to {except my family}. i can never make up my mind about anything, i always have my parents to make all the small and big decisions for me.i have a very low self-esteem.i have no confidence in my self or in anything that i do.i always look at my parents eyes when im walking in public to see if im walking right or not; if they are happy with the way i walk or not,to me my parents are everything and if they get mad at me or dislike anything about me i will always try soo hard to fix things to the way they like.i cant handle them being mad at me or dislike anything that i do.i always feel guilt and a dark feeling in my chest and fear.Also i have a 18 yrs old brother who i have a very bad relations with.he doesnt respect me whatsoever.my parents have always been kind to me more then him because i have never disobeyed them, and he always does.He doesnt even respect my mom and always raising his voice at her and sometimes hits her when my dad isnt around of course.he uses bad words in the house around the kids alot.he watches bad shows and he doesnt care if the kids are watching or not.he hits me sometimes and my mom and i are always telling him to fear allah and what hes doing is wrong but he never listens.my dad has tryed with him everything but no use.i hate him for all of this very much and i cant help myself.i never talk to him anymore.Also;my dad works in a liquor store.i was raised from the money.my dad has no other income,and he has alot or family to support. he knows its haram but no use.there are other problems in my life please help!
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we ask Allaah to facilitate your affairs and make for you a way out from your difficulty and sorrow.
You should know that this life is a test, and a Muslim should be patient when he is tried as there is much good in patience. For more benefit on the excellence of patience, please refer to Fatwa 83577.
Also, it is good for a Muslim to please his parents in what is permissible, because one is not permitted to obey any one in matters that entail disobeying The Creator.
You should appreciate your parents isolating you from other people, as the parents are always affectionate with their children and endeavour to achieve what benefits them, especially in a corrupt environment and when the child is at the age when it is feared that he/she may get affected by others.
It is something good to fear angering your parents, but you should not exaggerate in this and make it overwhelm your thinking, as this may lead to some psychological effects.
Lacking self confidence is something that may be treated by strengthening one's faith in Allaah, and sincerely turning to Him and supplicating Him. For instance you may supplicate with the following Prophetic supplication: "Allaahumma rahmataka arjo fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata 'ayn, wa aslih li sha'ni kullahu, la ilaaha illa ant."
"O Allaah, it is Your Mercy that I hope for, so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for a blink of an eye and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshipped except You." [Ahmad and Abu Daawood]
This may also be treated by seeking the Help of Allaah and having full trust in Him.
We also advise you to befriend pious women and it is permissible to seek their help in finding a pious husband for you. Getting married may be a solution to many of the problems that you are experiencing.
As regards your brother, you should be patient with him and continue to advise him and remind him about the Punishment of Allaah. You should also supplicate Allaah to turn him into a righteous person; this should especially be done by your parents as the supplication of parents to their child is answered. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 87856 and 84800.
With regard to the work of your father in selling intoxicants, there is no doubt that this is forbidden, so he should be advised to stop this job, and he should be reminded that the person who sells intoxicants is cursed. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 90289.
Therefore, you are not permitted to eat from his income unless you are obliged to, in which case you may eat according to the necessity. However, if his money is mixed from lawful and unlawful income, then you are permitted to eat from his money, though it is disliked.
For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 90278.
Allaah Knows best.