Keys to Confronting Aggression in Children - III
30/04/2012| IslamWeb
Positive emotions are generally stronger factors which motivate psychological activity when compared with feelings of failure. Therefore, this feeling should be developed first, before any other feeling in the upbringing process, and parents must ensure that no gap is left in the child's regular school attendance. Additionally, we should not try to focus on all the faults and mistakes that the child makes in every step he takes, highlighting his shortcomings and inability to succeed and forgetting that we are heightening his feeling of failure.
Not only does this way of upbringing evoke negative turbulent feelings in the child and hinder his psychological growth, it also obstructs the process of acquiring different academic experiences like writing, reading and solving problems. In other words, this feeling thwarts his academic activity in general. Besides, scientific studies prove that our overall efforts that focus on developing the child's feeling of success and supporting this feeling with praise and reward bring about unbelievable results.
Feelings of success aided with praise and reward boost self-confidence.
Every person is invited to know his talents and abilities and to determine the goals he wants to achieve in this life. When a person is confident of his capabilities, he can easily overcome the difficulties obstructing his way, no matter how large these difficulties are. He will neither feel fearful, regardless of the danger of the situation, nor follow others submissively, because he is self-confident. We could build an independent strong personality if we motivate the feelings of success and self-confidence in the child. Here we should not fear that the child might suffer from pride or self-importance. Needless to say that when the child's feeling of pride or self-importance does not stand on genuine bases and achievements and when he is satisfied with the pre-planned successes he achieved and no longer seeks to achieve more, this feeling of self-importance will be detrimental to him.
Six: Teach your child self-esteem
Self-esteem is formed during the early stages in the life of the child. Self-esteem signifies a set of images that children record about their personalities and how effective they are. Although children form these images internally, their parents have a great impact on their formation. The way in which parents communicate with their children -- whether words or actions -- enables the children to positively estimate themselves. This happens when the parents demonstrate that they believe in the capabilities of their children and give them a chance to visualize these capabilities.
Children succeed when their parents create an atmosphere which permits them to participate and influence so that they will contribute to the decision-making process. Children usually form unhealthy images about themselves when they believe that they have to be changed so that others would see them as righteous. When their parents manage their affairs over time, they may believe that their children's behavior is good and appropriate. However, the most important thing is to believe that their decisions are correct.
Useful suggestions:
a- Avoid calling them names that have negative connotations. Do no call them "idiot", "lazy", "foolish" or any contemptuous name that undermines them. You also have to focus on providing solutions instead of blaming.
b- You should differentiate between the act and its doer when dealing with your child's behavior. Show him that you love him, but dislike his action of coloring on the walls. Remember that mistakes offer the opportunities for your children to learn and their minds to mature. Mistakes are not due to a fault in their personalities.
c- Listen attentively to your children because they are formulating their personal ideas and views. The way they are thinking today will not be the same tomorrow, yet they remain in need of their parents’ attention, support and conviction that their viewpoints are significant.
d- Do not exaggerate in commending and praising them. Praise works well when matters run perfectly and the child is successful. However, children may beg for the approval of others. In other words, children may think that they are fine when someone tells them so. If you exaggerate in praising your child, what will he do when he fails and desperately needs encouragement?
e- Do not compare children with one another; every child has his different and individual character. He must be appreciated and distinguished regardless of his style.
f- You have to hold regular meetings for the family so that children have a space to express their opinions and be assured that they are considered and significant.
g- Allocate a period of time for every child individually in which you remind him of his distinction and how you admire his unique good qualities.
h- Do not favor a child over another.
i- You should rapidly respond to the situation in which the child feels undermined by his brothers, teachers, classmates at school, friends and other family members. Talk with your children about their feelings and share yours with them. Tell them that what people say or do to underestimate others results from a fault in the personality of the one who says and does but that this does not affect them at all.
j- You can transfer your child to another class if his teacher uses methods which negatively affect his self-esteem.