Are You a Successful Mother?

12/03/2012| IslamWeb

It is confirmed, by psychologists that the psychopathic or criminal personality is but a product of an abnormal family environment, as a result of missing the mother due to death, divorce or absence from her children outside the house; or of missing the father for the same reasons, or of missing both parents.

Undoubtedly, a normal family environment is one of the basic requisites for social adjustment, and the construction of the child's sound psychological maturity.

There is no dispute about the great importance of parental care for the children from their very early childhood. The child's relationship with his parents is of great importance, due to its impact on his upbringing and personality constitution. Undoubtedly, the children's loss of parental care in general and maternal care in particular leads to many negative consequences.

The question is: What do we mean by care and compassion?

What we mean is surrounding the child with balanced and moderate love, compassion, care and kindness, which gives him a sense of security, reassurance, and confidence in his own self as well as in others, and helps him become stable, and able to attain sound psychological maturity. Afterwards, he is ready to go on with his life with success, as a result of that psychological charge of balanced love and compassion.

Let us raise another question: Do excessive harshness and pampering have negative effects?

Of a surety, excessive harshness shown in beating, punishment and criticism of the child's behavior has bad psychological and social effects on the child. The same is true of excessive pampering, over-protection, and exaggerated care, which also have unfavorable effects on the child's personality.

The crux of the matter is to assume a moderate approach between these two extremes. That is, the mother should be firm without violence, and gentle without weakness.

The Muslim mother should be merciful towards her children, who always need her warm bosom, and sincere love and compassion, so that they are brought up with a healthy psychological upbringing, void of any disorders, crises or complexes.

The children's sentimental needs:

The need for love, compassion and security is one of the children's most important emotional needs, especially the desire for security. Children will not advance in their life unless they are reassured and feel secure. The loss of security and love leads to anxiety, fear and lack of stability.

According to the Islamic education, the compassion a child receives from his parents in general, and the mother in particular is essential to make him feel secure and reassured, and be more confident of his mother, and, consequently, more confident of himself and of the entire society. The necessity of the mother's compassion is confirmed by the praise given by the Messenger of Allah to the women of the Quraysh in this respect as shown in this amazing story.

Should such an offer be rejected?

That is Umm Haani’: Faakhitah, daughter of Abu Taalib, may Allah be pleased with her, the sister of ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib, may Allah be pleased with him, the Commander of Believers, and the paternal female cousin of the Messenger of Allah and the narrator of the Hadeeth (narration) of Al-Israa’'. She was parted by Islam from her husband Hubayrah, from whom she had four children. When the Messenger of Allah asked for her hand in marriage she said, "O Messenger of Allah! No doubt, you are dearer to me than my hearing and seeing, and the right of the husband (upon his wife) is great. So, I fear that if I devote myself to my husband, (meaning the Messenger of Allah ) I may waste a part of my care for my children; and if I devote myself to my children, I may waste a part of the right of my husband upon me." On that the Messenger of Allah praised her and appreciated her attitude and said: "The best women who ride camels are the pious from among the women of Quraysh: they are the most compassionate for a child in his childhood, and the most caring for the property of a husband." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

The question here is: Why are the women of Quraysh the best from among the women who ride camels? The Messenger of Allah himself gave the answer to this question. Their goodness goes back to their compassion and kindness towards their children, along with their care for the husband and the maintenance of his property.

Do you like, dear Muslim mother, to be among the best women?

Who among us does not like it? Then, follow the conduct of the women of Quraysh, and Umm Haani’, may Allah be pleased with her, in her compassion for her children and care for her husband and his property as indicated by the noble Hadeeth.

That is the guidance of our religion which likes the mother to be a source of love and compassion, an overflowing respository of emotion and care, and a wave of concern, sacrifice and devotion.

This emotional nourishment is a characteristic of the Muslim mother, unlike the Western mother, who has been drained by the material life, and exhausted by her continuous daily work, with which she lost the sense of this emotional family nourishment.

After her visit to America, Mrs. Sala Al-Haffaar, a member of the feminist movements in the countries of Shaam, said, in reference to this fact, "It is really unfortunate that the woman loses the dearest and highest gift granted to her by nature (which is an incorrect expression since the sole Granter is Allah The Almighty); and I mean her femininity, and, consequently, her happiness. That is because hard continuous work caused her to lose the small gardens which are the natural shelter for the man and the woman alike, and which could not blossom or exude their pleasant scent in the absence of the mother and housewife. In homes and in the arms of the family lies the happiness of the society and of individuals, the source of inspiration, and the spring of goodness and creativity."