Ramadan: The Month of Maintaining Kinship Ties -II
19/07/2011| IslamWeb
In spite of the great value of maintaining ties of kinship, many people neglect this virtuous act and deny the right of their relatives to their money, authority and even their kind treatment. Months, perhaps even years pass by without visiting them, being friendly towards them by their words or deeds, fulfilling their needs or protecting them from harm. In fact, many people may even harm their relatives themselves or say unkind words to them.
Some people do not share happy occasions with their relatives, nor do they console them in their sad ones. They do not give charity to the poor among them. Ironically, they give priority to strangers, maintaining good relations with them and giving charity to the poor amongst them. You may also have known some people who maintain the bonds of kinship with their relatives only if their relatives make the effort to stay in touch with them, and sever the relation if their relatives cut them off. Such people do not truly maintain ties of kinship; rather, they are reciprocators: they simply reciprocate a good deed with another. They treat relatives and other people alike. The people who truly maintain kinship ties are those who fear Allah The Almighty in their treatment of their relatives, so they maintain relations with them, whether the relatives stay connected with them or cut them off.
Among the manifestations of severing kinship ties is when you find a person whom Allah The Almighty has granted knowledge, which he uses in calling to Allah The Almighty. He is keen on calling strangers, whereas he neglects calling his own relatives, intentionally or otherwise. This should not happen, as relatives are more worthy of kindness. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And warn, [O Muhammad], your closest kindred} [Quran 26:214]
If we consider the reasons for severing ties of kinship deeply, we will find that it takes place for different reasons. Among these reasons is ignorance of the repercussions of severing relations, ignorance of the virtues of maintaining kinship ties, weakness in piety, and arrogance. Some people who attain high worldly positions or achieve a respected status, like merchants and famous people, treat their relatives with arrogance and disdain, visiting them only occasionally and treating them in an unfriendly manner.
Among the reasons of severing ties of kinship is a long-standing estrangement among relatives, which leads to unfamiliarity, alienation and getting accustomed to being in that state. Another reason is severe mutual recrimination, where some people reproach and blame their relatives for neglecting their right and not visiting them often. Thereupon, apathy develops towards them that eventually leads to fear of them.
Another reason for severance is extravagance; some people prepare extravagantly for their relatives’ visits and waste huge amounts of money, even though they may themselves be poor. Thus, their relatives may refrain from visiting them out of fear of embarrassing them. You could also see others, who neither care about their relatives, nor do they listen to them when they speak, nor show happiness upon their arrival; instead, they receive them coldly and with indifference. Little wonder then, that this reduces their relatives’ desire to visit them.
Further reasons for severance are avarice and miserliness; some people, when Allah The Almighty grants them money or authority, keep away from their relatives in order to avoid being exhausted by their various demands.
One of the greatest reasons of severance of ties is delaying the distribution of inheritance. Sometimes, there is an inheritance which is not yet distributed among the relatives either because of laziness on their part or lack of agreement among them. The more the distribution of inheritance is delayed, the more enmity spreads, problems increase, suspicion prevails and severance takes place.
One of the reasons of severance is partnership between relatives in worldly projects. Siblings or other relatives often collaborate or form a partnership in a certain project or company without agreeing upon fixed principles. The company is not based upon clarity and frankness; rather, it depends upon mutual courtesy, modesty and confidence. If the venture is blessed with increased productivity and the sphere of work broadens, inevitably, disputes arise, injustice prevails, Shaytaan (Satan) whispers and confidence is lost. This is especially if the partners lack piety and never favor others over themselves, or if some of them are domineering, or if one of the parties is more serious about the project than the other. Thereupon, the relationship deteriorates, they part from one another and the dispute may even reach the courts, which becomes a source of embarrassment to others. Allah The Exalted Says (what means): {And indeed, many associates oppress one another, except for those who believe and do righteous deeds - and few are they} [Quran 38:24].
Among the other reasons of severance of ties are: being preoccupied with the life of this world, acrimonious divorce between relatives due to marital discord, long commutes and laziness preventing one from paying visits. On the other hand, living near relatives may be a reason for problems because of conflicts over rights, as well as the petty fights and problems that occur between their children that may transfer to the parents.
Further reasons that lead to severance of ties are lack of tolerance and patience with relatives and forgetting them at banquets and other occasions. Forgetfulness may be interpreted as negligence and disdain, so this no doubt leads to breaking the ties of kinship and estrangement between relatives and family members.