Compatibility between Spouses - II

12/04/2011| IslamWeb

What does it mean?  

Islam did not stipulate freedom as a condition for the validity of marriage, as evident from the following instances of marriage:

·        Zayd ibn Haarithah, may Allah be pleased with him, married Zaynab bint Jahsh, may Allah be pleased with her

·        Usaamah bin Zaid, may Allah be pleased with him, married Faatimah bint Qays, may Allah be pleased with her

·        Abu Huthayfah, may Allah be pleased with him, gave his niece Hind bint Al-Waleed ibn ‘Utbah ibn Rabee‘ah, may Allah be pleased with her, in marriage to his ex-slave Saalim, may Allah be pleased with him

·        Al-Miqdaad ibn Al-Aswad, may Allah be pleased with him, (the ex-slave of Al-Aswad ibn ‘Abd Yaghooth) married Dhubaa‘ah bint Az-Zubayr ibn ‘Abdul-Muttalib, may Allah be pleased with her, from the Banu Haashim.

Thus, the compatibility which counts between the spouses is that of religion. Commenting on the story of Prophet Moosa (Moses), may Allah exalt his mention, with the righteous man of Midian, Al-Qurtubi said,

"Compatibility is considered in marriage, but scholars differed if it is in terms of religion, wealth, family background or some of them only. The preponderant opinion is that it is permissible that ex-slaves marry Arab women or women from the Quraysh, since Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.}[Quran 49:13] Moosa came to the righteous man of Midian alone as a stranger, a fugitive, scared, hungry and with not enough clothes. Nevertheless, when the righteous man was sure about his religiosity and good state, he wedded him to one of his daughters, totally overlooking everything else."

The preponderant opinion, hence, is that compatibility which is required in marriage is compatibility in terms of religion, and scholars are in agreement on this point.  

In Fath Al-Baari, Ibn Hajar said, "There is a unanimous agreement on considering compatibility in religion, so the Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a disbeliever." 

In Zaad Al-Ma‘aad, Ibn Al-Qayyim said, "The Sharee‘ah ruling implies considering compatibility in religion in terms of the spouse being a Muslim as a basic rule and being religiously committed as well. . Hence, it is not permissible to give a chaste woman in marriage to a dissolute man. In fact, the Quran and Sunnah did not consider compatibility in anything else." 

There are ample proofs on this opinion in the Quran and Sunnah. In the Quran, for instance, Allah The Almighty Says (what means):

●{And good women (are) for good men, and good men (are) for good women.} [Quran 24:26]

●{Indeed, the most noble of you in the Sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.} [Quran 49:13]

●{The believers are but brothers.} [Quran 49:10]  

After Allah The Almighty listed the women whom a man is prohibited from marrying, He Says (what means): {And lawful to you are [all others] beyond these.} [Quran 4:24] He also did not stipulate noble family background or wealth. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Marry those that please you of [other] women.} [Quran 4:3]  

Proofs from the Sunnah include:

·        The Prophet, said: "There is no superiority of an Arab over a non-Arab or of a non-Arab over an Arab, nor is there superiority of a white (person) over a black (person) or of a black person over a white person except by virtue of piety. All people are from Aadam (Adam), and Aadam was created from dust." [Ahmad with an Authentic chain of narrators]

·        The Prophet, , said: "Such-and-such family is not my ally; my allies are the pious Muslims wherever they are." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

·        It was narrated on the authority of Abu Haatim Al-Muzani, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, , said: "If a man proposes to you and you approve of his religiosity and morals, accept him; otherwise, there will be temptation and great corruption on earth." [At-Tirmithi: Hasan]

 

The Quranic verses and the general Hadeeths mentioned above stress compatibility in religion, stipulating no other forms of compatibility as a condition for the validity of marriage. However, the guardians of the woman should take into consideration compatibility in some aspects other than religion, which suit the condition of the woman in order to keep the marital life running smoothly without discord or aversion that may result due to financial, temperamental, social or other differences. 

For example, if a female doctor, who is a director of a hospital, married a janitor in the same hospital, even though it is definitely lawful and permissible, arrogance, boastfulness and aversion will mostly arise on the part of the wife over her husband. The same will happen if the woman is richer than the husband or if she works and financially supports her house; in addition to the fact that the husband will lose part of his right to be in charge of her and will no longer be able to control her, especially with the lack of religious drive these days.  

Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.} [Quran 4:34]

The husband's being in charge of his wife stands for two factors:

·        An innate factor, which Allah The Almighty created in man's nature.

·        An external factor, which is spending from his money, including the dowry and supporting the house. 

 

Being in charge of the wife is fulfilled when these two conditions are met; otherwise the equation will be disturbed. When the woman financially supports her house, she will certainly share part of the man's right to be in charge, which usually causes problems in the house. Similarly, it is not preferable for a female doctor to marry a worker in a café shop, a tinker, or a shoemaker (with due respect to all those people and this does not belittle their status). This does not often happen due to differences in moral and academic levels, and the woman, who has a high position, status, wealth and knowledge, will not accept to submit to a man whom she is superior to academically, financially, morally and educationally. Even if she submits to him in the early days of her marriage, her real nature will appear in hard times which might cause big problems to arise in the marriage.  

Based on the discussion above, it is clearly recommended that we should consider compatibility in the other aspects, and though it is not a condition for the validity of marriage, it is a basic requirement to guarantee the continuation of life and to avoid aversion and discord in the future. The following is evidence that supports this:

·        When Faatimah bint Qays, may Allah be pleased with her, consulted the Prophet, , about the proposal of Mu‘aawiyah and Abu Jahm, may Allah be pleased with them; although compatibility in religion existed; besides the merit of being a Companion, the Prophet, , said to her: "As for Mu‘aawiyah, he is a poor man, having no property, and as for Abu Jahm, he often beats women". [Muslim]

·        Buraydah, may Allah be pleased with him, said, "Abu Bakr and ‘Umar proposed to Faatimah, but the Prophet told them that she was young. However, when ‘Ali proposed to her, the Prophet gave her in marriage to him." [An-Nasaa’i] 

In his marginal notes on Sunan An-Nasaa’i, As-Sindi said:

"The context of the Hadeeth indicates that ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, proposed to Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, immediately after Abu Bakr and ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with them. It is obvious that the Prophet considered her young age in relation to them, which was not the same case with ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, so he gave her in marriage to him. This shows that agreement or closeness in age is considered because it greatly helps in creating harmony. The case may not be applied for a greater reason, such as the case of the Prophet's marriage to ‘Aa'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her. Allah knows best."

In Rawdhat At-Taalibeen, Imaam An-Nawawi said, "Ash-Shaafi‘I stated that the soundest opinion is that the aged man is not competent to marry a young woman (we previously stated that compatibility is not a condition), for how could there be harmony between an aged man whose habits and traditions are different from that of the time of the girl and whose sexual capabilities fall short to fulfill her needs? Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them.}[Quran 2:228]”

·        It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, , said: “A virgin should not be given in marriage except after taking her permission; and a previously married woman should not be given in marriage except after consulting her ." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] In another narration, the Prophet, , said: “A previously married woman should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after taking her permission." People asked, "O Messenger of Allah, how is the permission of the virgin taken?" The Prophet said: "Her permission is her silence.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] 

To summarize:

Compatibility in religion is the only condition that must be met in marriage; other aspects are not conditions. Nevertheless, the guardians of the woman have the right to choose a husband who is suitable for or equal to her, and with whom she could live a harmonious life. They should choose the husband with whom the stability and harmony of the family can be achieved, and the causes of discord, harm and disturbance are removed. However, if the woman accepted the husband who is not suitable for her in terms of family background, profession, wealth or the like, her marriage is without doubt valid. 

Lessons and notes:

·        Compatibility, according to scholars who believe it to be a condition for the validity of marriage, occurs on the part of the woman and her guardians. It means that if the woman and her guardians accept an incompatible husband, the marriage would be valid. Neither Imaam Ahmad nor any scholar said that it would be invalid

·        Many scholars, who did not believe compatibility to be a condition for the validity of marriage, held that it is a mandatory condition. It means that if a marriage is concluded in the presence of compatibility, it will be binding; if a marriage is concluded in the absence of compatibility with the consent of the woman and her guardians, the marriage will be valid; if one of the guardians does not agree, he has the right to dissolve it. This is the opinion of the Shaafi‘i scholars, the predominant opinion of the Hanafi scholars and the preponderant opinion of the Maaliki and the late Hanbali scholars.

·        Compatibility applies to the man, not the woman. There is no harm at all if a man marries a woman who is not equivalent to him because the man has the right to be in charge of his wife, the children are attributed to him and the right to divorce is given to him. The Prophet, , married women from the Arab tribes, who were not equivalent to him in religion or lineage, and he had bondswomen. He also said: "Whoever has a slave-girl whom he teaches well and treats kindly, then, he freed and marries her, he will have a double reward." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

·        A woman should choose a religious and well-mannered man, even if he is poor. If the woman is wealthy and chooses her husband on the basis of his religiosity, and assists him with her money to call to Allah The Almighty, she would gain a big reward from Allah The Almighty. By doing so, she would be imitating the good example of the Mother of the Believers Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid, may Allah be pleased with her.

·        A scholar is competent to marry any woman. In his book ‘Awdat Al-Hijab, Shaykh Muhammad Ismaa‘eel Al-Muqaddim said, "It should be noted that the Muslim jurists who tenaciously and broadly stipulated compatibility in marriage said that a scholar is equivalent to every woman, regardless of her age, even if his family background is not known. That is because the honor of knowledge is superior to every lineage and every honor. Allah The Almighty Says (what means):

●{Are those who know equal to those who do not know?} [Quran 39:9]

●{Allah Will Raise those who have believed among you and those who were given knowledge, by degrees.} [Quran 58:11]

It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, , was asked, "‘O Messenger of Allah! Who is the most honorable among people?’ He said: ‘It is Yoosuf (Joseph) ibn Ya‘qoob (Jacob) ibn Is-haaq (Isaac) ibn Ibraaheem (Abraham).’ They said, ‘We are not asking you about this.’ He said, ‘Then, they are the most pious among them.’ They said, ‘We are not asking about this either.’ He said: ‘Then you want to ask about the descent of the Arabs? Those, who were the best in the pre-Islamic era, are the best in Islam provided that they comprehend religion.’" [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

 Compatibility between Spouses – I