Children and Household Chores - II
02/02/2011| IslamWeb
How to teach our children to participate in household chores:
Parents often use negative methods in teaching their children how to participate in household chores. For example, they address them saying, "If you do not clean the house, I will not let you play; or, if you do not clean your room, I will not give you your pocket money."
However, we want you to use a positive method instead of a negative one when teaching the children how to participate in household chores. For instance, you may address them saying, "If you clean your room, you will be rewarded; or, if you help your mother in cleaning the kitchen, I will increase your pocket money." Just change the way you address your children. You might think that you will have the same result, but in fact the result differs significantly.
Once you address your child using the negative method, he will learn that participating in the household chores always brings him pain. However, when you address him positively, you will teach him that participating in the household chores brings him happiness.
Some pieces of advice for you while you teach your child how to participate in the household chores:
- Make your child accustomed to participating when he is still young so that he will continue doing so when he is older. This approach does not conflict with childhood, for it is good, and being good does not conflict with childhood.
- The older your child grows the greater privileges he wants to attain. Therefore, you should connect responsibilities with privileges, and thus, when your child undertakes more tasks, give him more privileges.
- A father’s participation plays a great role in affecting the children’s participation. The more the father participates in the household chores, the more the children will follow suit. A father should not refrain from participation, claiming that men are not to do such work. The Prophet, 
, used to serve his family.
, used to serve his family. - Do not link household chores with holidays in particular, since this annoys the children. Divide the work over the days of the week instead of letting it accumulate on one day. In doing so, you will finish the chores and let the children enjoy their holidays.
- You should not burden the children with many tasks and responsibilities, since this would cause them to feel resentful.
- You should consider the children’s age and the kind of chores that you assign to them. Also, consider whether the child is male or female. Some chores are suitable for girls, such as kitchen chores; and boys have their own suitable work to do.
- You should accept the efforts exerted by your children, even if they perform the task below the level you sought.
- Determine a time to start the work and a time to complete it. Do not let the chores be completed in a chaotic manner. Be organized so that the children will not resent doing household chores or feel that they need to be done all the time. Set a specific time for such work. If there is an urgent chore, everyone should take part in it.
- As an attempt to encourage the children, assess such work every week, and offer gifts for the best performance at the end of the week.
Finally, do not connect participation in household chores always with reward, so that you do not make your children materialistic, driven by nothing but rewards. You may reward them, but not every time. They need to learn that it is natural to help their mothers and you should bring them up to observe this attitude when they are still young.
It is important that every father and mother remember that children in their early years do not have programmed minds, so that they will take the responsibilities assigned to them seriously. We can say that when responsibilities are associated with pleasure, they motivate and attract the children more. As soon as parents feel that their children are bored and try to escape from such responsibilities, they should use their wisdom and deal with them flexibly, without shouting at them or blaming them. Shouting and blaming are futile.
In this regard, Aronson, the author of Mrs. Clean Jean's Housekeeping with Kids, advises parents to give money to the children, especially if the children are saving money to buy a new game, sports shoes, and so on. If some parents exclude using money, or they do not accept this method, then they can motivate their children by taking them to a favorite restaurant, buying them a new book, or allowing them to entertain their friends at home. They should not consider such money or invitations as bribes, but a positive motivational method, to teach the children that before they take something they should give something in return. This is a useful lesson in itself.
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