Common Family Problems and Solutions - I
08/12/2010| IslamWeb
- My husband buys drugs and takes them
The problem:
I am a married woman and I have four children. My problem is that my husband buys drugs and takes them. He has even allocated a room in the house to these poisons and I fear that he may harm my children and me when he is affected by these drugs. I advised him many times and threatened to expose him, but he threatens me with divorce. How should I deal with him knowing that he really frightens me?
The answer:
You should not remain with him as long as he is in such a state, because he may harm you and your children. You have to expose him and report him to the authorities concerned, after telling his family and yours. If they see that he may respond to advice or threats, then there is no harm. However, if he continues using these poisons that destroy reason and health, then, staying with him will be very dangerous for you and your children as he may harm or even kill them. He also spends his money in vain in order to have something that destroys reason and health.
Consequently, exposing him is better because it will deter him and his counterparts even if this led him to prison.
His threat with divorce should not frighten you, because it is better for you to be divorced than stay with him while he is an addict. In addition, if he divorces you, he will be the loser as he will lose his wife and no one will accept him after being exposed.
Be sure that Allah The Almighty will make a way out for you, so, save yourself and your children from this great danger.
And Allah knows best.
- My husband is kind but he is a drug addict
The problem:
I am a married woman and I have children. My husband is a good man and respects me very much. However, he takes drugs and I advised him many times but he did not respond to me. What should I do?
The answer:
He should be advised, censured, and informed about the harms and evil consequences of taking these poisons, which cause insanity and makes the addict worse than animals. He should be encouraged through telling him that is it easy for him to come off these drugs as long as he seeks the help of Allah The Almighty and has strong determination. In such a case, he will succeed in defeating his evil desires and it only requires a couple of days of patience to get rid of these drugs permanently. He should seek the help of Allah The Almighty and show patience in the face of the withdrawal symptoms.
However, if he refuses to respond and continues taking these prohibited drugs, then you have to ask for divorce. In such a case, it is allowed for the woman to report him to the concerned authorities so that he will be punished. That is because this will eventually lead him to insanity, which may harm her and her children.
And Allah knows best.
- My husband is extravagant
The problem:
My husband is generous to the extent of extravagance. When I discuss this issue with him, he says that one will take nothing with him after death except his coffin. However, we live in a leased house.
Is he right? How should I deal with him as he does not respond to my advice?
The answer:
This is foolish behavior, as it wastes money on unnecessary things. Money is not available for all people and acquiring it requires strenuous efforts. Hence, one should be wise and keep away from extravagance, as Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {…But be not excessive. Indeed, He likes not those who commit excess.} [Quran 7:31]
Allah The Almighty also forbade extravagance; He Says (what means): {…And do not spend wastefully. Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils, and ever has Satan been to his Lord ungrateful.} [Quran 17:26-27]
Allah The Exalted does not love extravagant people who are the brothers of the devils. One should keep his money to secure housing and other needs of his family. The fact that he will only take his coffin when he leaves this world does not mean that he is allowed to be extravagant when it comes to food, drink, clothes, and luxuries.
And Allah knows best.
- My stepmother levels ceaseless accusations at me
The problem:
I am an orphan girl, and my stepmother levels ceaseless accusations at me and troubles me frequently. The real problem is that she pretends that she is kind and good before my father, who believes her. She threatens me that she will encourage my father to marry me off to the first one who proposes to me. What should I do?
Advise me, may Allah reward you.
The answer:
This is one of the trials through which Allah The Almighty tests some people and it may be greatly rewarded by Allah The Almighty if you endure patiently.
You should advise her to stop this behavior and frighten her with the punishment and torment of Allah The Exalted, who is Exalted in Might and the Owner of Retribution.
You have to treat her kindly to avoid her evil in addition to meeting evil with goodness hoping that she would come to know that she is wrong.
Be kind to her even if she wrongs you, maintain ties with her even if she severs them, and be honest with her even if she betrays you. You should also ask some sisters to advise her and remind her of the punishment of Allah The Almighty and the punishment of lying and injustice, which will be darkness over darkness on the Day of Judgment.
You should do the same with your father when you are alone with him. You should inform him about everything politely and kindly along with serving and obeying him. You should do your best to please him and draw his attention to the evil consequences of unsupported ill thoughts and injustice.
It is good for you to ask some of your male or female relatives to explain the reality to your father and warn him against believing the lies he is told and having ill thoughts.
This may alleviate your suffering and you should have good expectations of Allah The Almighty and be sure that He will facilitate your affairs. So, perform the acts of worship and draw closer to Allah The Almighty through obedience, seek refuge with Him against worries, sorrows, evil morals, gloating of enemies and the oppression of men, and He answers whoever supplicates Him.
- My son does not observe the prayers, should I order him to leave the house?
The problem:
My son does not observe the prayers. Should I order him to leave the house?
I fear that this may lead to what is worse. Please advise me.
The answer:
If you fear that expelling your son from the house would pervert him more and more such as becoming an addict, gay, an adulterer or so on, then, you should not expel him, especially, if he is still young or under the age of twenty. That is because the youth at this age easily fall into evil given their naivety and heedlessness about potential dangers.
However, you should beat him for neglecting the prayers, as the Prophet 
said: “Command your children to perform the prayers when they are seven years old, and beat them for (not offering) it when they are ten.” [Ahmad, Al-Haakim and Abu Daawood]
If he does not respond, then, report him to the concerned authorities to come to warn him and make him promise to observe the prayers. If he did not respond, they will punish him by imprisoning him or so on.
He should accompany righteous youth, as they are more capable of influencing him and dissuading him from evil and immorality.
You should also keep him away from bad friends hoping that he will follow the right path.