Your smile is the key to your happiness

04/11/2010| IslamWeb

Constant frowning adds to man’s anxieties, sorrows, and agonies, which might lead to early aging and other serious conditions. On the contrary, a smile kindles happiness in your soul and instils hope within your heart as well as within other people’s hearts. Do yourself a favor: smile, so that you are happy and make your family and those around you happy as well. Moreover, remember that the Prophet, , said: “Smiling in your Muslim brother’s face is (considered) charity.”

·        Accept your husband as he is:

Some women want to change their husbands’ characters to suit their own; a wife might resort to criticizingher husband about his defects imagining that it is a useful and effective method. In fact, she is only wasting her time and effort in vain since frequent criticizing triggers stubbornness and persistence to behave in this wrong and unfavorable way -- if they are actually wrong. What if the husband sees his lifestyle as the more correct one?

The best thing for the wife to do in this regard is to accept her husband as he is, and accept that her husband’s character is different from hers. Furthermore, she has to realize that some of his behavior and some aspects of his character are different from hers since there can never be two identical persons or else they would have been one.

·        Do not expand the scope of disputes:

Family disputes are normal in any marriage; in fact, sometimes they could be useful as they enable the married couple to discover more about their own characters. A wife should not think that fighting with her husband -- even if it is over trivial matters -- is the end of the world, and consequently, expand the scope of the disputes and add fuel to the fire. This would intensify the dispute and trigger further fights that would be even deeper and bigger. Were they to resort to discussing things quietly, they would have found their relief in constructive discussion instead of yelling and fighting. Their dispute would be solved for good in just a few minutes, as long as they both aim at ending the dispute quickly without stubbornness or prejudice.   

·        Share your spouse’s interests:

The more points of agreement between the married couple, the stronger their marriage will become; marital happiness would be the natural outcome of such a marriage.

A wise wife is the one who tries to find out about her husband’s interests and hobbies to share them with him, in order to create a solid common ground with her life partner instead of each spouse living his life in a world of his own. For example, if a wife finds out that her husband likes reading on certain subjects such as religious, political, economic, or medical topics, she should do her best to keep up with him and read about his favorite topics. However, a wife should do so out of love for her spouse and her desire to have useful discussions with him on his favorite topics, and not out of her desire to criticize him or argue with him and show that she is better. Thus, she would keep up with her husband’s cultural and intellectual level; consequently, her husband would be proud of her, and she would be happy with the knowledge she has gained; it is a win-win situation. 

·        Do not hold on to bad memories:    

How wonderful are the days of happiness that you have spent with your spouse! Was not your husband the reason behind your happiness? So, why forget these beautiful days because of minor incidental disputes? Why do you not hold on to these sweet memories? Why do you pile up these painful memories in your heart? Would it not be better for you if you put them behind you, moved on, and held on to only good memories? 

To what extent do you implement the saying of the righteous predecessor, “The best of you is he who treasures a loving moment”?

A loving and sincere moment had its sanctity in the eyes of our righteous predecessors; what about all these sweet hours, beautiful days, and great nights that you have spent with your spouse?

·        Do not be depressed about your husband’s extra work duties: 

You should accustom yourself to your husband’s extra work duties. The main moral of this is that you cannot have everything. It is better for you to face reality in a positive and flexible way in order to gain the greater share of happiness within the limits that are imposed upon you.

In order for you to accustom yourself successfully with your husband’s working conditions, you should follow these rules:

·        If it is a temporary job, do your best to endure this period.

·        If it is a permanent job, accept it and try to engage in it to help your husband and enjoy it together.

·        Bear in mind that your spouse’s success is actually your own success; urge your husband forward towards success.

·        Remember that he is doing all this for your sake and the sake of your children.

·        Remember that if he does not fulfill these duties, he would not be able to provide you and your children.

 

·        Be tactful when asking for something: 

 

Some wives lack tenderness, flexibility, and tactfulness when asking their husbands for something; they repeatedly order their husbands to do so and so which arouses within their husbands an urging desire to be stubborn and refuse these demands. Had she resorted to a soft, nice, and lenient attitude, she would have had all that she wants. For example, she may say, “I saw a lovely dress, and I would like to have it so I can wear it for you on a special occasion”.   

 

 

 

·        Do not exaggerate trivial matters:

 

Only a foolish person makes fun of tragedies and exaggerates trivial matters. Many wives blow things out of proportion, making a fuss about trivial matters; for example, a wife might insist on her husband hanging up the towel after using it and cause a problem about it.