Engaged people informing each other about their past sins

12/01/2011| IslamWeb

Question:

Assalaamu Aalikum. About 4 months ago I got engaged. Few days after we got engaged, we wanted to meet up to discuss things about our past and confess to each other our mistakes. We exchanged words of regrets and anger at our own past. I used to be weak and experienced kisses, hugs and touches but nothing more has happened and I repented and stopped that from happening. I cut any contact with the person that led me to do so. I'm still a virgin Alhamdulillaah. He, from his side had said that he is not a virgin. He had been practicing this sin for several months with one of his work colleagues. He said he also had stopped having sex a long time before he had met me and asked Allah for forgiveness. He had stopped any contact with that woman too. I was in a shock and felt very disappointed as I never expected to marry a non virgin. I really liked the guy and my family found him very respectable and he is from a good family too. After some time, I decided that if he had genuinely repented and that Allah’s is Most Merciful and inshaallaah that He forgives him, I still accepted him and thanked him for his honesty. This way maybe I will be forgiven too if I forgive him! 4 months later, he confessed to me that he was still continuing to have sex with that girl weeks before he had met me and not months as he had told me. I felt very hurt for 2 things: that he lied and that he had sex with another woman and only few weeks before meeting me! I felt that this was a short period for him to be forgiven and for him to forget. He wanted to come clean and tell me everything about his past, although I wish he hadn’t told me! I don’t know if he will lie to me 1day, if I should forgive him and still accept him as a husband! Now I feel like Allah has still not forgiven him and that he doesn’t deserve to be with me, although I can't imagine my life without him. I have been ignoring his phone calls and texts. My family is happy about the wedding, but do I marry him still? I want to do the right thing and please Allah. Help me please! 

  

Fatwa:

 

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu aayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.

 

First of all, you should know that the fiancé is a non-Mahram for his fiancée, so it is not permissible for her to be in seclusion with him or speak to him except for a need. Furthermore, it is not permissible for a Muslim to speak about sins he committed in the past, rather, he is obliged to repent to Allah without informing anyone.

 

It is such mistakes [of informing about one’s past sins] that caused both of you to be suspicious of each other and to have the problems which prevented the completion of this marriage. In any case, both of you are obliged to repent.

 

Now, if this young man is religious and has a good moral conduct and he is the best of those who have proposed to you, then what he committed in the past does not matter, if has sincerely repented. Therefore, we advise you to perform the Istikhaarah prayer about marrying him, and Allah will choose what is best for you.

 

As regards you firmly blieve that Allah will not forgive him; how dare you say this? this is interfering in something that is exclusively a matter with Allah? The Prophet  informed us that a man said: “Allah will not forgive such and such person.”, and that Allah said: “Who is this person who is swearing on my behalf that I would not forgive such and such person; I have indeed forgiven such and such person and I made your deeds (i.e. the one swearing) worthless.” Therefore, you are obliged to repent and never utter this again.

 

Finally, it should be noted that a Muslim should take the initiative to immediately repent. However, delaying repentance does not mean that it will not be accepted.  

 

Allah Knows best.

  

Fatwa answered by: The Fatwa Center at Islamweb