Make-up of a successful wife – II

02/04/2009| IslamWeb

Foundations for success

She is knowledgeable:

`Aa`ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, related, "In the time of the Prophet whenever any verse was revealed, we used to memorize the lawful, the unlawful, the do's and the don’ts contained in it, even if we did not memorize it's exact words." `Aa`ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, used to praise the women of the Ansaar in the following words, "How good were the women of the Ansaar, [that] their shyness did not prevent them from learning their religion." [Muslim] After the death of the Prophet Umm Ayman would often be found with tears in her eyes. When asked, "Why do you cry (so frequently)?" She replied, "I knew very well that the Messenger of Allah would die, but I cry now because the revelation from on high has come to an end for us." Abu Sa`eed Al-Khudri narrated, "Some women requested that the Prophet affix a day to teach them, as the men were taking all of his time. So he designated a day to teach them religious lessons and commandments." [Al-Bukhari] We must strive to constantly increase our knowledge about Islam. See how anxious the female companions were to acquire more and more of the knowledge they cherished as a gift from Allah. They were studious, scholarly and passionate about learning their religion.

As a result, they knew Allah and they knew His commandments. They also realized that nothing but good can come from obeying Allah and it is only eternal misery which accompanies disobedience or dissatisfaction with what Allah has revealed. Unfortunately, our lives are often so crowded with other concerns, that we don't make time to increase our knowledge and understanding of Islam. As a result, we fail to consider the wisdom behind the life that Allah has designed for us. We dwell on the differences between the rights and responsibilities of husbands and wives without realizing the advantages they provide for us if we live with sincere intention to please Allah.

She is honest:

Allah Almighty Says what means: {He knows what is in the heavens and on Earth, and He knows what you conceal and what you reveal. And Allah is the All-Knower of what is in the breasts [of mankind].} [Quran 64:4]

It is critically important that we live our lives honestly-refraining from any form of misinformation, deceit, or withholding information. While these tactics may avoid a conflict temporarily, they can be extremely damaging to relationships that were meant to last a lifetime.

Allah Almighty Says what means: {O you who have believed! Keep your duty to Allah and fear Him, and speak [always] the truth. He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allah and His Messenger, sallallaahu `alayhi sallam, he has indeed achieved a great achievement.} [Quran 33: 70-71]

She is humble:

Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet said: "Charity does not diminish the wealth; Allah enhances the honor of one who forgives, and one who humbles himself for the sake of Allah, Allah exalts him in rank.” [Muslim] It is perhaps human nature that makes each of us proud of our own accomplishments and skills. We sometimes loose sight of the fact that Allah provides us with everything that we have in this life. It is very important to remember to be humble when we deal with people. None of us is perfect. Although we may disagree with a particular set of circumstances, we should always remember that Allah gives special recognition to those who humble themselves for his sake, and there is no better reward than that which comes from pleasing Allah.

She is sincere:

Mu'aath ibn Jabal, may Allah be pleased with him, once heard the Prophet say: "Allah, the Master of Honor Says: `For those who love one another for the sake of fear of My majesty and magnificence, there will be high seats of light, that will be the envy of prophets and martyrs."' [At-Tirmithi]

This life is a trial, constantly forcing us to choose which way to go, fighting between what feels good and what we know is right. Many times Muslims disregard portions of Allah's guidance because it seems too difficult for them in their situation. This may not have a noticeable impact when done now and again but Allah sees everything that we do. If we first allow ourselves to turn a blind eye now and again, soon it will be our common practice and we will begin to go down a path of destruction. In order to avoid such a fate, we can find encouragement many places in the Quran. We can find hundreds if not thousands of examples where Allah led people to better circumstances as a direct result of their ability to maintain their faith in Allah-living to please him regardless of seemingly devastating consequences. If we follow his commands daily, work to increase our knowledge of Islam, and do what is required of us-like it or not-for the sake of Allah, we will surely be rewarded in this life and the next.

She values marriage:

Allah has strongly encouraged us to marry. We must also take care to choose the best possible spouse. Unfortunately, many of us focus on material wealth, family position, education, and physical attributes while leaving the strength of our future husband's Deen to chance. We should first look for a man who fears Allah and lives each day as if it were his last. He should meet all of the requirements that Allah has set for us and make it his habit to consistently seek to improve himself. We should not even consider any other factors if these fundamental criteria are not present. If a man has these qualities, he will be more likely to form a lasting loving relationship with his wife. He will likely want to be a part of a relationship that is mutually rewarding, each helping the other with balance and mutual pleasure.

She is obedient:

Allah Almighty Says what means: {Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in the husband's absence what Allah would have them guard...} [Quran 4:34]

Allah has ordered that wives be obedient to their husbands. We have all heard this mentioned at one time or another. Unfortunately, this topic is often accompanied by negative, feelings. Some people take this privilege to extremes and suggest that men are free to order their wives around freely, as they would a slave, without regard for their feelings. Others would have you believe that this concept is part of a traditional, `back home' lifestyle that is inappropriate in our society. This is why it is critically important to carefully choose your spouse. As wives, we are required to fulfill our husband's requests, to the best of our ability, providing that they do not venture into the Haraam. If we keep Allah, and our religion first and foremost in our mind, we will experience mutually pleasurable marriages where extreme measures are not present, Inshaa`Allah (Allah willing). In the event that the character of our spouse was misunderstood or has changed dramatically, and we are still obedient for the sake of Allah, we will not only gain reward from Allah but most likely have a positive influence on our spouse over time.

She is forgiving:

Because not one of us is perfect, we should always be ready to forgive. After a disagreement has occurred, each party feels that they have had a right to voice their opinion. If we look at our lives in a bigger picture, we can see that after a few years, we will not even remember most of the disagreements we have had. It is very important to build a strong, loving relationship in order to cooperate in raising children and dealing with the problems of this life together. It is much better for the relationship, regardless of who is right, to choose to forget an error and forgive the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with. Allah has shown us many examples of his undying love for us, and among his gifts are many paths to forgiveness. Try to always keep your heart soft by offering forgiveness to those you love.

She is the best advisor:

The Prophet said: “...A pious wife who helps [a man] in matters of this world and of [his] religion [is one of] the best things that any man could possess.” [Al-Bayhaqi]

When the Prophet received the first revelation and saw the Angel Jibreel, may Allah exalt his mention, for the first time he was understandably shaken. He hurried home trembling with fear. He said to the people of the house, Cover me! Cover me!" They covered him until he restored security. He informed his wife, Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her, of the incident and added that he was horrified that perhaps he was afflicted by madness. She reassured him saying: "By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you! You foster family relations; you bear the burden of the weak; you help the poor and the needy; you entertain the guests and endure hardships in the path of truthfulness." [Al-Bukhari]

Who did the Prophet turn to when he was most in need of support? Khadeejah, may Allah be pleased with her. It was through her loving kindness and loyalty that he was able to accept his prophethood and regain his strength and confidence. Allah intended her to be next to him and give him the reassurance he needed to move forward. If a marriage is successful, a husband will also rely on his wife to help him sort through his doubts and problems. The wife has a unique opportunity to know her husband's heart and mind and to provide exactly the right words and actions to help him achieve his goals. This role was proven to be critical in the life of the Prophet so we can safely say that it should be equally important in our lives. Additionally, if a woman's husband ignores his obligations to Allah, she must advise him sincerely, set an excellent example for him by being very obedient to Allah herself and she should frequently make Du'aa` (supplication) for his guidance.

Make-up of a successful wife – I 
Make-up of a successful wife – III