To Every Girl - Before You Make the Big Decision

24/11/2013| IslamWeb

One day, I received a call from a girl who, after giving me some information about someone who had proposed to her, asked me whether I thought he would make a suitable husband for her. Although I knew neither the girl nor the young man in question, I could perceive her trepidation, for whoever’s hand is asked in marriage faces a rather decisive question.

What often happens is that we hasten to evaluate the financial status of a potential husband and his job prospects that will decide the quality of his lifestyle and social status; and consequently, we take the decision of either accepting or rejecting him, based on that. However, that is a deceptive indicator which has often brought misery and suffering upon our girls.

 

This girl got me thinking; so, I began to search for signs that might help others like her in making this serious decision. I will try to mention some of them here, but I must say that these are general guidelines, and every case has specific details, which must be addressed separately.

 

First, ask about him in the Masjid (mosque) close to his house. A young man who takes care in performing his prayers is likely to similarly preserve his marital home, and Allah The Almighty will not let him fail in that.

 

It is true that those who practice their faith devoutly prove themselves to be more sincere and devoted to the success and preservation of their conjugal life. That is because they consider marriage as an extension of their religious observance.

 

Second, inquire as to how many friends he has and how long his relationships have been with them. The number of friends a person has, indicates the nature of one's character. A young man who has a strong relationship with only one or two people, in other words, an introvert, will not positively interact in his relationship with a future wife. In fact, he would be placing great emotional and psychological burden on her. Girls often mistakenly believe that it is good if a man continuously stays at home, but this is incorrect. On the other hand, men who have had illicit relationships possess a behavior that is detrimental to marital life.

 

A young man who maintains his friendships for years would be expected to make his marriage work. However, if he is known for moving from one friend to another every few months, that has negative and serious implications.

 

Third, how he treats his sisters is an important indicator. A young man's respect for his sisters' wishes and needs, and his help and service to them in one way or another, demonstrates his attitude toward females and his potential wife.

 

Fourth, his servant who attends to his small demands, employee or waiter, who serves him tea, will disclose important information about him, for a noble person respects people of a lower status just as he respects his counterparts. Such a man would smile at them and greet them every morning, and be generous when compensating them for their services. It is people like him that are further expected to be good to their wives. Likewise, the ill-natured, who respect only those they stand to benefit from and look down on others, pose a serious threat to a conjugal life.

 

Fifth, watch out for rage issues. A young man who does not control his temper is weak, regardless of his massive build or loud voice. Anger has grave consequences on marital life, for it has ruined many homes and shattered the lives of many people. How truthful the Prophet, , was, when he said: "A strong person is not the one who defeats people at wrestling, but [he] is the one who controls himself at the time of anger."

 

Sixth, the attention he pays to his work and his job performance, is an indication of a man's earnestness and commitment, and is applicable no matter what one’s line of work may be. A salesman who concentrates on his work and performs it to the utmost of his ability is likely to be more committed to his marriage than an irresponsible, failing university professor.

 

Undoubtedly, it is vital to directly ask about the suitor and seek information from various sources. However, this might yield misleading information, especially when it is his friends and close acquaintances that are consulted. That is why I mentioned these practical points.

 

In conclusion, I would like to remind you to resort to Allah The Almighty in asking Him to facilitate the proposal of a righteous husband before he comes to you. You should also perform Istikhaarah (guidance-seeking prayer) before consenting to or refusing anyone who has sought marriage to you.

 

May Allah The Almighty shroud you with happiness, and may your life always be filled with joy.